My rights

[DesperateDadParticipant]

been divorced since 2017 Jan, the day we left the court officially divorced, We spoke about me wanting to see more of the children when possible.

But this has now been twisted to you agreed to two nights a week, it was agreed in court. Which it wasn’t officially as it was in the corridor, nothing official whatsoever. I want them as much as possible (fairly of course)

anyway it keeps getting thrown at me that she has primary responsibility of the children, and what she says goes, this was never discussed in court or anywhere else.

what are my rights, please anyone??

 

 

 

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

As their dad, you have equal rights and so in theory, you should be able to spend up to 50% of the time with your children. However, any arrangement has to be practical and in the interests of the child, so if they are at school in the uK and you live in France, you would have to work around their school terms.

But if you live close enough to do school runs, and you are prepared to support homework and all the other things they need, you could apply to the court for 50:50 time.

The exceptions are If your children are very tiny, still breast feeding, don’t have an established relationship with you or there is some welfare reason why not.

Does your ex have a specific reason to object?

[DesperateDadParticipant]

She just seems to have taken it open herself.  She says it was decided in court, but it wasn’t.

She herself limits my contact to 2 nights a week,  which is realistic to be fair as I’m a shift worker, mostly lates and nights. But there are many opportunities for me to have them longer, but that’s only when it suits her.

but my biggest problem is that she keeps saying she is the primary carer and the buck ends with her, I rarely get a say in anything and always says HER children, I gave my Daughter a nebuliser the other day as was coughing so much, and was basically told ‘ you will NEVER give her medication, that’s not prescribed without her authority’. (  Nb I work in Ambulance and can give Nebulisers )

the point is I seem to have NO say in anything, it’s like she loans them to me!!

 

Just need to know now where I stand

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

I thought that I had replied this morning already!

Neither of you have RIGHTS as such, merely responsibilities towards your child to act in their best interests.

However, as resident parent/primary caregiver, she has the right to make decisions in their best interests regarding day to day living. You have the right to be informed/consulted on major decisions like school choices etc. You can object via courts to choices she makes if the reason is in your child’s best interests. eg trying to block relocation, different preference for school as another meets their needs better (usually only in case of SEN children) etc, medical treatment etc.

You have three options:

1. continue as you are
2. Email – so it is formal – your proposal for increased contact with the children = stating why it is in their best interests. eg as you can get to clubs, do homework, stop being in wraparound care etc.
3. If she refuses to discuss or brings up the supposed court agreement quote whatever was in the court order – was it a CAO or merely your divorce being finalised?
4. Arrange mediation. Though this is not legally enforceable.
5. Court – £250 – you wouldn’t need legal representation.

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

Incidentally, when your child is with you on your time, it is up to you what you do. If you need to give calpol then it’s not her choice.

I think I’d make a  list of the things you would like to change, calmly, email it to her and ask for a discussion. If she refuses, I’d go via mediation and court.

Getting the ground rules in place is essential when co-parenting and you have at least a decade to get through.

[Author]

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