My kids don’t want to see me…

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  • #58146 Report

    Alienated
    Participant

    I have a son (10) and daughter (9) from a toxic marriage. The haven’t lived with me for 4 years, and getting access to them has been very difficult. Following lengthy court battles and drama, I can now see them for 1 night every 2 weeks. This has been the arrangement for 2 years now. I could have asked for more, but that’s the problem…

    My ex has never wanted me to have a relationship with my children, and has gone to great lengths to twist their poor heads. Asking for anything more would upset them. Claiming they’d rather be with friends, church or her family. The whole process took too long, and I missed out on developing a real bond with them.

    When I pick them up from school, everything is fine. We have a great time, and aside from normal childhood issues, they seem like well adjusted and bright children.

    When I am forced to pick them up from her (school holidays etc) they’re completely different. Withdrawn, no hugs or words, just a quick handover and they’re back to normal once they get in the car with me.

    At my last pickup, my son said he didn’t want to go. I asked him what he was feeling and he wouldn’t talk. Just hid behind his mum. My daughter said she’d rather not come if her brother isn’t coming. Very out of character for both of them.

    I’m now forced to speak to them on the phone once per week, on speaker where their mum can overhear. I tried to get more thoughts out of them, but they hung up unexpectedly. I have no other way of contacting them.

    I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m due to pick them up from school in a couple of weeks, but I suspect my son will tell his teachers he doesn’t want to go.

    I don’t want to upset them by insisting they come with me.

    Any ideas?

    #58159 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    i found this post that could be of help:
    <div dir=”auto” style=”font-family: ‘Segoe UI Historic’, ‘Segoe UI’, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;”>I did this by going directly to my sons school. (I understand some of your kids may not be at this stage).</div>
    <div dir=”auto” style=”font-family: ‘Segoe UI Historic’, ‘Segoe UI’, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;”>I then asked the school more needs to be done for my sons mental well being, as I was worried and concerned for my son. They had agreed for a team to be involved to speak to my son, as mental health and well being in the schools is a massive topic they can’t ignore. They used ‘SEMH Team’ SOCIAL EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT SERVICES. Every council through the country has them, some schools and academy’s have in house ones. I also asked for the school to involve a educational psychology assessment report to be done.</div>
    <div dir=”auto” style=”font-family: ‘Segoe UI Historic’, ‘Segoe UI’, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;”>Every report, Is based on a one to one session between the psychologist and my son and between using both these services and the school too, they have been able to act as an advocate for my son and proves how much my son was missing me and my family, they had given my son a VOICE!</div>
    <div dir=”auto”></div>
    <div dir=”auto”><span style=”color: #050505; font-family: ‘Segoe UI Historic’, ‘Segoe UI’, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;”>If you truly believe your kid is truly missing you then go down this route as a lot of kids will be scared of upsetting the narcissistic parent and with the school being there as a professional third body WHO your child/children feel comfortable and safe around to express their feelings, it will all help. </span></div>

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