My husband has walked out im a SAHM
15 February 2018 at 10:48 am #7687
Sorry long post alert!
Hi please can someone offer me advice of what I need to do. My husband has left me out of the blue claiming he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m devastated. He’s took a bag so has left the family home.
Im a SAHM to our 2 kids 5 and 3.
Hes said he’d pay for the house and nothing has to change. (Cop out as everything will obviously change).
Please tell me what my next steps should be I need to make sure me and my children can eat and have a roof over our heads. CA have said if he has already agreed to pay for the house and try and work everything out between ourselves. But at the moment my EX won’t really talk to me, and doesn’t think he’s in the wrong for just walking out.
Please help! Im putting a brave face on for the kids but It’s so hard.18 February 2018 at 1:28 pm #7749
This is my first time on here. I am in the same position. My husband of 10 years left me last week…..via whatapp and told me he loves me but not in the way anymore. He has moved in with a woman he has been seeing on and off for 2 years. I did find out about it but he told me it was over.
I feel broken at them moment. Like my whole life is over. My children are 12 and 6. .I have no income at all. He initially said he would carry on paying for everything but I know this won’t last, he has already emailed me and said we need to discuss me going to work.
I’m scared, lonely and heartbroken xx19 February 2018 at 6:38 am #7792
To MK and Pycroft29
There is a few things you need to act quickly upon.
Neither of you say whether you live in property that is Mortgaged or Rented? If mortgaged who is paying the mortgage? If rented who is named on the rental agreement?
If neither of you are working then you will need maintenance money from Ex. If either of you are worried about basics such as; roof over head and being able to eat you can speak to a solicitor and arrange for an Emergency MPS (Maintenance Pending Suite). This is heard before a judge and will make sure you have sufficient to tide you over until maintenance has been finalized.
Act quickly as once Ex becomes hard to pin down you could be left stranded as Courts will not be able to force ex to pay anything if they have vanished. Assume you both know where ex works?
Good luck4 March 2018 at 11:07 pm #8314
Thanks for replying traveller123.
Were in a joint mortgage, he has paid this month as normal. I have started to find out if I may be entitled to any help, but after going to the CAB the other day I got a bit scared about how it’s all going to work out for me and the kids. I gave up my job to stay at home as childcare prices were crazy/ex wanted to go after his dream job/have no family support with childcare etc.
He won’t speak to me regarding anything other than the kids. It’s like he’s completely shut off.
Now the shock of him just getting up and leaving is wearing off. I have to say i keep a poker face when I have to be around him for the kids. (Which is hardly anything as he seems to not be bothered with spending time with them either).
While I’m waiting for decisions on any benefits what should my next steps be?
Should I seek legal advice? Or a financial advisor?
During one conversation last week he was trying to pressure me into selling up. But he back tracked on that a few days later. He also said he’d spoke to a solicitor and they’d be in touch with me. And he said he’s contacted mediation. I called him out on it this week to say I haven’t heard from anything and he looked sheepish. At the moment I feel like he doesn’t really know what happens next so he’s playing mind games with me.
I am however starting to get my facts together ready. Please help if anyone has been through this and can offer me any advice! I’d really appreciate it!6 March 2018 at 4:39 am #8374
That mortgage is joint is helpful in that he can’t force the sale. However, as it is joint you are responsible for the payments too.
If you are not working how are you managing to cover essential day to day living costs? Off top of my head the benefits you should receive are;
Child Tax Credit
Single persons discount on Council Tax as you are now the only adult in the house
If you begin work you may qualify for Working Tax Credits and help with childcare costs to reflect fact that you are working.
Benefits may take time to process so don’t wait until money has dried up before seeking help. Maybe you need to contact a solicitor now and discuss an MPS (Maintenance Pending Suite). Apparently they can be called at short notice to ensure that you have enough money to tide you over until maintenance is finalized. You may be able to claim you Legal Cost from Husband as you are not working and have no savings or personal assets you can sell to cover legal costs.
If your Husband has approached a solicitor and they are any good they will have advised him to make voluntary contributions towards your living costs to avoid the Courts.
If the marriage ends in Divorce (sounds likely judging by his behaviour) then assets will need to be split and maintenance arranged. As you gave up a Job to look after two children there is good chance that you would receive a larger share of assets to reflect that you are unlikely to earn same as husband whilst you have 2 children to care for. Might explain why he is trying to pressurize you into selling up?
Child maintenance is based on % of paying parents earnings. For 2 children it starts at 16% for Gross weekly income.
Spousal maintenance is much more complicated and will be only awarded on needs and ability of paying partner to pay taking into account their own needs.
Good luck6 March 2018 at 10:45 am #8380
Actually, a sale can be forced with a joint mortgage – if one partner triggers a Severance of Tenancy you end up in a situation where you will either have to buy them out or sell in order to provide them their share of the money. You could even be placed in a situation where he might be able to charge you rent for his share of the house to which he does not have access.