My husband doesn’t love me anymore
14 June 2018 at 11:33 pm #12122
So after 31 years together of which 21 were married my husband has told me he no longer loves me. No one else involved. Just feels we live as best friends under the same roof rather than a married couple. I’m devastated. I can’t eat or sleep. For the first few days I kept being sick but now have anti sickness pills from the doctors to get that under control. Husband says he will still be there for the kids (15and 19) and for me if I need him but as friends. I can’t imagine my life on my own and no longer as part of a couple. Can someone tell me the hurt and pain does get better?15 June 2018 at 12:36 am #12123
It does. It took me about 2 months of not sleeping or eating at all. Then it’s taken me about six months more to get on my feet enough to start figuring things out. It will never be what I wanted or intended, but it will be something I learn to live with. I had no say about being kicked out of my mother’s womb. But you know, sometimes it’s been worth the move, and sometimes it’s been hellish. Either way, one day follows the next and I keep growing…
PM me anytime, all the best.15 June 2018 at 9:48 am #12126
It definetly does I was with my ex husband 15 years married almost 11 he had 2 affairs and left for the 2nd one last feb (2017) I am happy now with my 2 children he still sees them but I am now glad it happened as he has shown me exactly who and what he is and I’m glad I am out of that relationship now I am worth more than that and that is not me being big headed. You will and can be happy again it just takes time15 June 2018 at 10:40 am #12136
Everyone’s different but I believe we can all find some strength in determination. It hurts, definitely; I just refused to let it bring me down and focused on building even stronger bonds with my children, family and friends.
I’m a bit confused by that “<span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>Just feels we live as best friends under the same roof rather than a married couple”. Are married couples not supposed to be best friends? </span>Does he really want to leave or is this a cry for attention? Do you think he’d be willing to work on your relationship (maybe with the help of a relationship coach)?
<span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>It goes without saying that you can’t make someone stay if they really want to leave, but after all those years together it might be worth just exploring things in-depth to see if your relationship can be saved. How well do you communicate with each other? What do you do together/apart? Is it that you’re stuck in a rut or does it go deeper than that? Are there issues with intimacy? How valued do you each feel by the other? I would even ask if there’s anything going on at work that he may be struggling with (good communication can help loads).</span>
[Just to be clear, I’m not asking you to tell me, but maybe you could ask yourself and your husband these sorts of questions and answer them honestly]
<span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>If there is no-one else involved, and considering you have two teenagers, and assuming you would be open to saving your relationship, maybe you could suggest to him that (for 1 month) you both work on falling in love with each other all over again and give it everything – unconditionally.</span>
Feel free to PM me anytime. Hope this helps xx15 June 2018 at 8:58 pm #12202
Thanks everyone. I’m clear that this is not a rough patch and that it really is over. It just feels so sad and I’m hurting. I just wish he loved me but I can’t make him. I don’t know how I will cope but enough of you have survived it so I guess I will too. Thank you for your comments x16 June 2018 at 9:10 pm #12218
You will survive 🙂
I was told this by my ex as well, and it is devastating. I dropped two dress sizes and had hardly any food, energy or sleep for a few months. Your husband cannot expect to be keep in the same house, have all the freedom he wants, to live in the same way, torturing you to save his own embarrassment. That’s unfair and disrespectful to you. It is NOT an arrangement you should want or should accept, and it never works. What are the kids supposed to think in a situation like that? In my ex’s words ‘I want to have my cake and eat it.’ No way Jose. Do not let him walk all over you. Get to a solicitor as soon as you can and log the date you have separated. Ask him to start divorce proceedings now as he is the one wanting to do it, as it can be a long and expensive process (he will most likely give many excuses not to, because that means his life will have to change and he will have to put effort and money into something).
In answer to your question, YES it gets better. A year and a half down the line, I am a stronger and more confident person and have completely got over him. Albeit I was with my ex 4 years which is not much in comparison with you, my parents are going through the tail end of a divorce – and the future that my mother has in front of her (she is 63 and they were married 35 years) is a happy one filled with family around her. She has a lot more things to look forward to and she is assertive and independent. The thing that has got us through our divorces are our friends. Do not feel embarrassed to cry and break down in front of them and believe me, they will support you and help you get through this.
Hang in there. It takes time but if you have accepted the break up then the first stage is done. Let us know how it goes x16 June 2018 at 9:24 pm #12219
Thank you peanut321. I really appreciate you sharing your story. It just feels like my future has been wiped out at the moment. The kids are of an age where they will be out more and we had been looking forward to spending more time together doing our own thing. Now that has been taken away It’s like a rug has been pulled out from under me. So devastated xxxxx16 June 2018 at 10:15 pm #12223
At least the kids are older and you can focus on yourself – a lot of us still battle with child arrangements etc. It could be a new and exciting time for you which your kids can help you with – choosing the paint colour in your new kitchen etc. The little things! I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you do have a strong identity as a single person and that will manifest itself over the next few months. I think the majority of users of this website have had a similar thing happen to them so keep posting and take all the advice you can. And I know it sounds silly but have a hot bath and try and relax and breathe x