My heart is breaking!!!!
7 May 2019 at 6:55 am #24528
My husband walked out on me and our 4 boys on Sunday for the second time and the shock and numbness is hitting me much worse this time because I know that it is final. He has admitted cheating on me and has left to start a new life with her. I took him back because he became really sick and nearly died and he seemed genuinely sorry and wanted to make a go of things. I put everything aside and cared for him and when he got better, he said that his negative feelings towards me returned and he didn’t want to try and make us work. We sat down with the kids and he said, matter of fact, that he was moving out again because he had been seeing someone else. I know in my heart that if he had that little respect for me to do what he did, then he doesn’t deserve our family but I can’t switch my feelings off.
I still love him and feel sick that he doesn’t love me back. How can you just walk out on your wife and kids for someone you’ve known 5 minutes!! The thought of having to do everything on my own now is overwhelming. I don’t work at the moment and we rent. Our lease is up for renewal and he has said that he will re-sign it with me for the next 12 months but if I tell the letting agents that he has moved out, I am afraid that they are going to ask me to leave because I don’t have a job and would be deemed high risk. I will never be able to rent somewhere solely because I would never earn enough so how do I keep a roof over my boys head!
Its such a mess!7 May 2019 at 11:45 am #24539
Hiya, it was awful for your husband to treat you that way so can understand your pain.
On a practical note the council can help, they can talk to your agent to stop you from being kicked out until they find you a place, the good thing about that is that if you’re in a council place it will be far cheaper than renting. I know council housing has a bad rep but some of the places are lovely.
Hang in there, you will get through this.
Mark7 May 2019 at 2:21 pm #24545
I feel similar to you…my husband walked out one and our 2 young children 2 months ago, leaving is for another woman who he worked with. He went off for 5 weeks and me and the kids got used to it but then he returned saying that it was half his house so he could live here too, downstairs. So he goes out in the evening, seeing HER, then comes back here to stay the night. It’s torture.
I just feel like I can’t cope anymore but I try to be strong for the children. I’m still managing to go to work so that’s a slight distraction.7 May 2019 at 2:44 pm #24546
Amelia that’s horrible! I can’t believe he finds it acceptable to see someone else and still live there, it must be torture.
Perhaps you aught to find your own fella and do the same?7 May 2019 at 3:04 pm #24548
Can I say I understand how u feel but if I can give u a bit of advice it might not be the best but from what I’ve learnt it’s made me see things in a different light. I was with my husband for 17 years we have 3 children together I had a message one day from his bit on the side that brought my life crashing down she told me she had been with my husband for 2 years it started whilst I was 6 months pregnant with my last child but the other nasty thing was the girl was 3 months pregnant at the time by another person but this didn’t stop my husband. He had a secret phone hiden in his car he would spend every Friday night with her and then around 4am would come and get into my bed ect, there is a lot more to go with what he done but too much to write but my point is I broke up got back after about 2 weeks coz he made me feel guilty with the excuses I then stayed with him for 2 years I done counciling I read books all to try get through it I had to go on antidepressants my life was a mess I had his affair eating away at me every single day it took over my life and I never could get away I felt trapped and I hated myself for still being with him letting this person get away with it was horrible until one day somthing changed and I realised I can’t do it no more so I ended it and then I realised all the trying I did for my kids my marriage I actually fell out of love because he broke me so bad and for once I knew it was the end I deserve better. Don’t get me wrong I still cry now and I miss a relationship I am loney but he didn’t deserve me to do that to me and the same goes for u once they cheat or have affairs I don’t think u can ever really move on if stilll together. Everyone tells me il find somone and I really hope I do I hate being single coz I have so much to give. He doesn’t deserve u we have to be strong for our kids I know the pain it kills and I still cry now but one day u will realise u don’t deserve that I hope u can be strong. I have no body around me and I have fount it so hard but we have to be strong I cry out a lot coz it hurts but tell people how u feel and let people be there for u he doesn’t deserve u we are worth more xx7 May 2019 at 3:14 pm #24550
I totally agree Lauren, nobody deserves to be cheated on, it’s such a cruel thing to do to someone. Thankfully not everyone is as low as that so I’m sure that we will all meet someone one day that can rebuild the trust and prove that people arnt all the same and that there is someone out there that’s worthy of our love, at least that’s what I keep telling myself anyway!7 May 2019 at 4:26 pm #24557
Gingerbread have a free and confidential single parent helpline which you might find useful
Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925
Opening hours: Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4 <span style=”font-size: 18px;”>Demand for the helpline is high and so callers often have to wait to speak to an adviser – the average waiting time is around 20 minutes.</span>
All the best
7 May 2019 at 6:43 pm #24561
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Gingerbread Dan.
Me too x8 May 2019 at 6:46 pm #24593
I know it feels awful right now, but it will get easier, look at every day as a step closer to feeling better. He doesn’t deserve you, and you deserve much better; this is a great online community that will support you, and I had a look through the forum last night and read some messages from people that have come out the other side and are in a better place now. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and you will get there
SD9 May 2019 at 8:45 pm #24683
Hi, I feel so bad for you.. my partner and best friend of 15 years left me at over Christmas.. came up with all sort of reasons but ultimately found out it was because he was in love with someone at his work.. I have been struggling too to come to terms with how he could do this to myself an my daughter..
I have come to the realisation though that ultimately I could never rely on him again.. as it sounds you can’t rely on your husband.. you have four little boys to be strong in yourself for.. you should def go to council and find out options for yourself… you don’t want to be relying on your husband in 12 months time to sign another lease… once you sort out your circumstances you will prob get a large portion of rent paid for you..
I am lucky that I still worked after having my daughter, however have been left to pay the mortgage on family Home myself.. and will be pretty broke till I can afford to move an get my own mortgage… I refuse to let this situation destroy me though and as soon as I realised he was leaving an I could no longer depend on him.. set out an got myself a promotion at work.. it may mean more hours but I think the most important thing is to take back some control, which is what would help you in this situation.
Ps it will be his loss.. where was this someone he was seeing when he was ill. You sound like you deserve so much better !10 May 2019 at 6:14 pm #24745
I’ve recently split from my partner of 10 years and I just can’t get over it. I told him before Christmas I needed a break after a really hard time in my life and as always he just flipped. Humiliated me all over social media said the most awful things to me and just really went to town on me. 3 weeks later he had a new girlfriend. At first I was just numb and went into auto pilot. He raised my son since he was 8 and just totally cut him out of his life too! The worse part is he lives directly across the toad from me. He spent the next 3 months parading his new gf in front of me which finally broke me. I never intended things to go this way I just wanted some space to deal with what I was going through with out his drama. A month ago he got back in touch and started telling me he didn’t care for this new gf and somehow we decided to try again. We wanted to keep it between us while while we waited to see if we had a chance. He also told me because he worked with this woman he didn’t want anybody at work to know about us as she’d make things difficult. Now he’s decided he’s not sure if he does want us To get back together and he wants space. He keeps telling me how he can’t let his ex know about us as it’ll cause problems. I can’t go through this break up again I really can’t11 May 2019 at 10:59 pm #24818
Hi i ve inboxed you i ve been through the same thing x