My feelings keep changing

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  • #47277 Report


    Hi.. I’d be most grateful for your views, experiences, or advice on the following x..

    Over the period of lockdown I thought I would try dating via Zoom, I felt ready to maybe connect with someone with the potential of finding a future relationship..

    Fast track 6 months of online dating, and I decided it would be nice to meet for a date in person with a chap I’d been talking to for the last few weeks, which quite a strange dating experience with the social distancing and masks etc. We’ve been on a few walking, takeaway cup of tea dates over the last couple of weeks.

    It’s been nice meeting up, but my feelings have been all over the place and one minute it all feels ok, then it just feels like I want to run away.

    I have shared with him my situation (my son has Autism, social anxiety, and OCD and although he is fairly independent I support/care for him pretty much full time in terms of his mental health) at home and have talked a little bit about my past etc.. and he said he was all ok with that and he wouldn’t put me under any pressure but would like to get to know me and see how it goes, to which I agreed I would like to continue to meet up and chat.

    We met for another walk last weekend and he gave me an Xmas gift which was kind of him. I felt I should return the sentiment with it being Xmas and so when we met for a walk a few days ago I gave him a small gift (a book on a subject hes said he enjoys).

    I’m sat here now confused by my feelings.. I’ve enjoyed popping out and meeting up for a cuppa and going for a walk with him, and the odd chatty texts in-between meeting have been nice. It’s been pleasant getting to know him and I have been enjoying his company too.. but although I said I’d be happy to take things slowly, one day at a time and get to know him/see where it goes. I’m now in the frame of mind whereby I don’t feel I can realistically offer more than friendship.

    Sorry if that all sounds a bit muddled, it is in my head too. I honestly thought at the outset that I wanted to develop a relationship with someone, but having now actually gone out and met someone in person and thought more logically about my own situation, I realise what I actually wanted was friendship with the opposite sex. I miss the friendship part of a relationship with a male counterpart.

    How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings?

    I feel like I’m messing the poor chap around. I’m liking the friendship we’ve developed, but if I’m very honest I just don’t want or feel the need for a relationship, and realistically with my situation at home I don’t know why I even thought a realtionship would be possible. I just wish I’d realised that before I messed this poor chap around.

    Thanks for listening.

    #47283 Report


    Just be honest. Tell him how you feel. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings.

    #47284 Report


    Better to be honest now that you have figured things out, then to carry on, on a false pretence. Just tell him honestly.



    #47343 Report


    Urgh online dating.

    So met a lad from plenty of fish we broke up a year ago.

    It was nice getting the texts and tge facetime stuff even some of our dates were really lovely but its online dating.

    Your not dating a whole package.

    Its a meet and greet scenario.

    Have you tried speaking to him about your hopes for the future?? Your plans etc. Is he supportive of them.

    What killed it for me was the sex. Thats all it became about. No date nights or friendly chats.

    Im developing a new friendship group at the moment. Not just in my locality but also via an online singles site. Its very different to plenty of fish or zoom.

    Have the Gingerbread groups started up again yet. Maybe you need to expand your bubble slightly and go to a mutual ground place. Hard with all the restrictions.

    Good luck.

    Enjoy and i hope it works out well for you.

    #47361 Report


    Honesty is the best policy, as they say.

    It’s best to tell him now, as opposed to another 6 months down the line when/if he has developed stronger feelings for you.

    I’m in the same boat – even though someone has just made a complete mockery of the last 10 years of my life and burnt me bad, I still feel I have so much to offer in terms of love and affection. However, I’m now also enjoying the flexibility and independence of being single while still subscribing to the notion that there is someone out there that is perfect for me.

    PS. You’re a rare breed. From the few women I have spoken to online in the succeeding months, they have all told me that absolutely no women whatsoever are on dating apps looking for ‘friends.’ And the ones I have had fleeting conversations with, which were going great, have all subsequently ‘ghosted’ me.

    PPS. I did, however, find one absolute diamond who reached out to me on here, Gingerbread, 6 months ago when I first joined at my lowest point. She has been someone who I now consider to be one of my best friends, even though she lives the opposite end of the country. I’ll forever be grateful to her for always being the other end of the phone when I need to vent.

    #47377 Report



    im very new on here. Albeit been by myself a few years.

    I think be honest but also remember is friendship the easy option and anymore would mean you are letting that walk down.

    I’m sure that’s how I would feel, natural to have that guard being lowered little by little.

    be honest if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be .,

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