My family are racist and I have a mixed heritage child

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  • #42334 Report

    Sharond123
    Participant

    Is anyone in my boat?

    In a nutshell

    My entire family are racist, from my parents to my nieces and nephews. They openly remark about black people, with comments like “them people” and “they”, my father uses the N word around my daughter who is 4, when I confront them it turns into a huge argument and nothing is resolved, they claim to love her and adore her, they say they are not racist towards her so what’s the harm, she said “black lives matter too granddad” one day and he said it was my fault for filling her head with “that bullsh**” I’ve never spoken to her about anything until she heard the N word for the first time whilst my father was discussing the black lives matter movement, now she says things like “mommy, I wish I was white” or “mommy, will I be hurt one day because I’m brown” I depise the world right now, my daughter shouldn’t have to worry about the colour of her skin, it should not be an issue, she has a right to embrace all cultures too, my father said “I don’t want my family blacked out, so you better make sure she ends up with a white man” I also found out that some family members have discussed that “mixed heritage children shouldn’t exist” and that I was wrong for mixing with a jamaican and having his baby. I have separated us from my family for my daughters sake, it’s been hard and I’m literally alone now and don’t know how I’m going to heal from this.

    #42338 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    I take it that your family are uneducated?? Just get on with your life and I’m not saying don’t speak to them because families are important racist or not. Your child will see them for being so ignorant. At one point your child will feel very uncomfortable and that’s when it Time to distant yourself. I have found that mixed race children choose to decide what race to follow. Quite sad but honestly don’t bother losing sleep.

    #42339 Report

    Sharond123
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply Sherinam.

    #42353 Report

    Sylvie
    Participant
    • My biggest worry in life would be seeing my children insecure in their skin colour. I am black, and respect all races and beliefs. And would expect the same from anyone because we are equal before God
    • Create confidence in your child, make her feel proud in her colour, and support her always. You are her hero, let others not destruct her confidence. I wish i could hug her…
    #42357 Report

    C1986
    Participant

    Hi, I’m a mother to a 4year old mixed heritage daughter (I’m white british/Irish and her dad is black british to Jamaican parents) I can understand to a degree of what you are going through as throughout my whole childhood my father would make sly racist comments. It got to a point whereby I was old enough to stand up to my father and basically told him that if he didn’t accept my personal choice of partner then he would ultimately lose me as I shared none of the opinions he had. To cut a long story short, my father was un cultured, uneducated and had just repeated behaviours that he had seen from his parents. He had no real opinions of his own on mixed relationships etc. My dad eventually respected and liked my ex partner and absolutely loves my child. I think it’s so important for your child to see you standing tall and strong with your head held high standing up for yourself and your daughter ! Please teach her to love her skin, her hair and her heart. All the confidence she needs in this world can come from you, but it’s your job to install that confidence in her. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to loose your family but educate your child to love all of herself and certainly do not allow family members to belittle her presence ina my shape or form. I personally teach my girl that she is whole black and whole white and that she has every right to embrace 100% of every black culture and white culture. Sending big hugs to you !

    #42358 Report

    NewAgeMan
    Participant

    Weak people seek the safety of numbers, strong people fight for what is right…. fight for your daughter and she will grow into a formidable force

    #42367 Report

    Sharond123
    Participant

    Thank you all so very much for your replies, support and encouragement, I am so grateful.

    Thank you Sylvie, I will hug her for you x

    Thank you C1986, my family are Irish too, I have tried that approach but I’ve been told that’s my choice, I have never been fully accepted for my life choices, my father is uneducated and follows suit from what he has heard or been taught, I’m branded the one with the mouth because I always stand up for what’s right. I will continue to empower my beauty and I’ll be sure she loves herself x

    Thank you NewAgeMan, that is so right.

     

    #42368 Report

    Sharond123
    Participant

    <span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; background-color: #fbfbfb;”>Thank you Sylvie, I will hug her for you x</span>

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