My ex, our children, his coke addiction
16 June 2020 at 10:00 am #41083
My ex left me at the end of August 2019. We had a 2year old boy, and i had just had our baby girl, who was 7 weeks old. I had a feeling he was taking cocaine again, as he dealt it aswell ( did not approve of it at all). He never had money, despite working full time aswell. A week after he left, he was with someone else. Months and months, of him not seeing the kids, only when it suited him, never having our girl, hasnt laid for anything aswell. Would only phone when he was at work.
Fast forwrd to January, and he decides to start seeing the kids. Things arent going right with the new girlfriend. He isnt in a good way and they split up. He admitted to the cocaine addiction, and that she did it too. Slagged her off loads, and basically she was jelous of our kids. He then went on to tell me that she had a miscarriage in november at 8weeks, and was pregnant again.
I helped him alot, was there for him emotioanlly, financially. He told me she went on benders whilst pregnant, and would cancell on our boy because he was on benders.
Fast forward some more. She had an abortion at 23weeks. He wasnt even sure if the baby was his. Im this time. He has stayed with me, told me he loved me. Came of the drugs. But little things didnt add up. On social media she was all over it still. Photos, and that he was with her.
Since she had the abortion, he has been cold and distant. Not seeing the kids. He recently got a job aswell.
Then i fing out that last weekend he had gone to london to see family. With her. The girl who got rid of his baby, and i told him several times its his and to stop using the ” i think its someone elses” excuse….
Ive blocked him now. Ive not confronted him. I dont know what to do. I feel sick. Not only coz he has strung me along, but, because he has chosen her over seeing his kids. I was giving him time to sort himself out. I was trying to be understanding. I dont know what to do regarding our children. The things he told me, about how she would get funny whenever he mentioned our kids. The fact they both like taking cocaine and he could be doing that again. He isnt consistant. And to top it off he is planning on moving away.
He has completely messed with me. We were together 13.5year.16 June 2020 at 11:17 am #41091
hi hun hope your ok!!! I have similar problems not exact just similar, cocaine is the root of all evil!!! My ex the father to my 3 children has also a cocaine problem!! He used to go on benders also he’d say just nipping out and I wouldn’t see him for days!! That seems to come first rather than the children, also it’s like he’s a totally different person on it!! He’s currently living at his mums house and is on a decent wage but doesn’t give me any or his mum any money!! we get bits here and there!! It’s a joke to say he’s on twice the amount as me yet I have to pay rent, bills feed his 3 kids!!! I think he’s the same all his wage must go on it also! He’s was very secretive with his phone also which worried me!! I am currently just dropping the kids off with him on a Sunday!! But is hard work as I don’t get much of a break! He works 6 days a week and had to tell to have the Sunday of recently as it’s not fair!! He goes though fazes where he will be on it all the time then he won’t be?! I’ve tryed getting him to go to the doctors, he went told them about his cocaine problem and they give him anti depressants which he never picked up from the chemist!! It’s like fighting a loosin battle!! I’m always here if you would like to talk I really feel for you xx16 June 2020 at 12:09 pm #41100
Thats how our relationship was like. He would go out all night every night, so felt like a single parent… i know he is depressed, and ive also asked him to get some help. But i feel its all too late now. He had this time to sort himself out, all he has done is lie to me. And now i know what i know, i really dont feel comfortable leaving the kids with him. He was coming here and seeing them or i was taking them to him. He only ever had our son once on his own the last 4months…. how can he treat us like that. Gave him everything. He begged for kids, i got us moved out of my mum’s. We had everything…. and i feel like a mug.17 June 2020 at 11:06 am #41205
I bet you feel like a mug, I can’t believe how many of us are in this situation!! I think this me and the father of my children could of had everything but have nothing it’s just a living nightmare xx17 June 2020 at 11:53 am #41207
My partner was just this as well, and it got a whole lot worse when I discovered he was sexually abusing our daughter.17 June 2020 at 6:36 pm #41221
I feel like ive been with a stranger. The first 8 years were pretty good. He stopped smoking weed. We started going to the gym, he could hold down a job. It all got worse when he made friends with certain people. And the coke came into play. Its like he cant handle to responsibility of being a dad. Its our little girls 1st bday in 3weeks aswell. And our boy, he isn’t silly. And was so messed up when he first left. Now i feel like its happened all over again. Ive blocked him…. and yet he still hasn’t bothered to try and make contact, as im friends with his brother and sister. So he can go through them to get to me. I knew something wasnt right in my gut. Wish i just walked away sooner. All i wanted was our family.18 June 2020 at 9:12 pm #41257
So sorry to hear any of you are going through this!!
I had been being hurt by my ex for months while pregnant, he spent all our money on cocaine and weed, sold my car for cocaine and would shout and abuse me if his cocaine didn’t seem right!! I was accused of poisoning his stash everything had to stay sat on the sofa so he could watch me while he did it HELL! But i got out i ran out with our 5week baby in my arms and he was arrested for coercive behaviour. Because when they have this cocaine problem it effects us as women as partners as mothers and its against the law!! Spending our money, abusing us when they are high, neglecting the kids its so wrong!! I sit here writing this feeling lonely and thinking maybe i shouldn’t of called the police to rescue me but if i hadn’t my laptop Im using right now would of been sold for cocaine and i be sat with another black eye and having a drug dealer coming to collect the last bit of money i had! Honestly this drug takes over it takes the strongest to come back don’t put up with it like i did its nearly ruined my life and my kids.
Sending love to You all xxxxxxxxxx19 June 2020 at 7:45 pm #41289
I really hate the word ‘cocaine’ its ruined my life.
Im so sorry you had to go through all of that. My ex never physically hurt me. He was never like that. But, money wise, he made it extremely hard. And i had a planned c-section with our second, and he put me under so much stress, as he stopped contributing. He was getting high off his own supply, and it wouldnt surprise me if he supplied ” her” with it too. He is not the boy i fell for. Its been a week now. He hasnt bothered making contact. And im standing my ground. Before, i used to beg. Try and reason with him. He was brought up in care, and both his parents were useless deadbeats. He always wanted kids, and to he a dad. So now im not doing anything. He knows where we are. Pluss, im just gunna let him sweat and wonder. Does he know i know, or does he think im blanking him coz he aint seen the kids. Will i tell her that shes with a lieing cheating scum bag… for once i hold the cards.xxx23 June 2020 at 7:30 pm #41426
So sorry to hear all your stories they all seem similar to mine:
we met and it was like everything was perfect and we got engaged and found out I was pregnant 5 months later. Slowly he kept going out and not returning till early hours and I noticed on his days off he was drinking more and more. I felt so alone and if I was doing it all by myself. We took payment holidays on stuff and only half the rent was paid yet we still wouldn’t have money left over. It then got physical and now I’ve stopped all contact until the baby is born: but where do you go from there?
He also lied about having a driving license so was driving me and my son around with no license or insurance and wants me to trust him.
never have any money left over even though he has a decent job and was always popping out to the shops.
so it’s the drink, cocaine and lies. So I can’t trust him.25 June 2020 at 9:22 pm #41667
Its just horrible isnt it. We never had any money either. I was just lucky enough that i had enough to cover rent, and other bills. As we had only just moved into our home and was on a years probabtion…. how can someone who works full time, have no money. I only wanted pounds a week of him to cover his share of our bills. Which is crazy me saying it, as we should of been a team. I knew the signs from before, but, how do you go about that, when they deny their problem. Compulsive liar aswell. I just cant believe how many men out there are like this, it really makes my head hurt. There are people that would give anything for a family, home and a normal life. Whats wrong with a having a normal life. When the party finishes, who is really there for you. In my ex’s case, no one. Coz they were fake friends.10 January 2021 at 7:01 pm #47993
Is anybody still on this post,my world has just broken into a million pieces10 January 2021 at 11:47 pm #48009
am sorry to hear that. what has been going on?11 January 2021 at 12:15 am #48011
I don’t know where to start,been with my partner 12 years,it started he would go for a drink with his mates,then one night he didn’t come home he said he had fell asleep on his mates sofa I believed him.that became a weekly thing,then a friend stopped me one day and said are you aware he’s doing coke,I didn’t believe them I always believed him,fast forward a few months he finally admitted it,i was devastated to say the least in anger I kicked him out,then he starts saying what has become the norm,I’m sorry,I’ll get help,I’m not addicted ….so I have him back and he would do the same again,but me the fool I am always took him back,I told him he could come back if he would do a urine test everyday..he agreed I thought I was getting somewhere for last 4 months a test everyday and every one was negative,then 3 days before xmas he said he was going out to shop didn’t come back till morning after,I went nuts when he walked in,that’s when he told me the 3k he had in the bank was gone all of it on coke,I’ve since found out he wasn’t doing the tests his sister was! My head is a complete mess11 January 2021 at 3:06 pm #48028
i see this must be awful. i know about the pitfalls of addiction, not drugs, but money markets. you don’t have kids with him right? I think you should tell him that he needs to go on a drug rehab course otherwise you can not continue the relationship with him. just my thoughts. also be wary of giving him money, as it will likely get wasted on drugs.21 January 2021 at 2:00 pm #48487
I do have 1 child with him,I don’t give him any money,I’ve ended the relationship completely