My ex is trying to convince me to try again

[wisteria]

Hi, I don’t really know where to begin.  I separated from my ex a year ago, we have 3 children.  Me and the children left the family home and moved into a rented house.  I left because of abuse (not physical).  I am about to start divorce proceedings and he is still adamant that he wants us to try again and that he has changed.  I feel guilty and sad but I feel I have been let down by him so much in the past that I have no faith that he could have changed.  He is willing to go and see a counselor with me but he never was when we were together.  I just wish I was certain that I am making the right decision.  We were together 25 years, we met at 19.  He keeps saying that he wants to try, like I don’t but I tried for years while I was with him.  The abuse started 16 years ago when we had our first child, it wasn’t all the time and it was different things over the years, one thing would stop and a different thing would replace it.  Sorry if this is long winded and confusing.

[Hope7]

Hi Wisteria

I can understand the confusion you’re feeling and I know each person’s circumstances are different but I will share a bit of mine, but in the end the decision is yours and for you to decide if life is better for you and your kids now, than when you were a family.

I was 17 when I met my husband. I was married for 33 years and I have now been separated for 6 years.

You have to see when emotional manipulation is being used.  If you’ve been trying at your marriage for 25 years, when do you say enough is enough.

Different things happened in my marriage, but I would always keep thinking things would change but after 33 years it didn’t.

I don’t know you or your husband but I can only say I could of saved a lot of pain and heart ache for my family and me if I had dealt with things sooner rather than later , I know where you are just now isn’t easy especially when you’ve been with someone so long but you need to truely look at how your relationship was not what you hoped it would be.

I hope this  may help in some way

Take care

[Hope7]

Hi Wisteria

I can understand the confusion you’re feeling and I know each person’s circumstances are different but I will share a bit of mine, but in the end the decision is yours and for you to decide if life is better for you and your kids now, than when you were a family.

I was 17 when I met my husband. I was married for 33 years and I have now been separated for 6 years. 

You have to see when emotional manipulation is being used.  If you’ve been trying at your marriage for 25 years, when do you say enough is enough.

Different things happened in my marriage, but I would always keep thinking things would change but after 33 years it didn’t.

I don’t know you or your husband but I can only say I could of saved a lot of pain and heart ache for my family and me if I had dealt with things sooner rather than later , I know where you are just now isn’t easy especially when you’ve been with someone so long but you need to truely look at how your relationship was not what you hoped it would be.

I hope this  may help in some way

Take care

[Hope7]

Sorry, new to forum and seems I sent my message twice 🙃

[wisteria]

Thank you Hope 7.  That really helps. I know I have made the right decision and deep down I know I will never go back, I haven’t come this far to go back, I think that guilt at hurting someone else (him), even though he hurt me makes me feel sad, I never like to think anyone else is in pain.  When he isn’t saying this kind of stuff I am fine and happy, I have a good life, 3 beautiful children an job I enjoy and a nice calm home to come back to after, where I get to make choices without worrying about annoying another adult. Thank you for replying to me and I am happy that you seem to be in a good place with you decision 😃

[Liolint]

I think you’ve had enough time to think about it and you’ve made a decision. Right or wrong, it is what you want, or what you think you need to do. It can’t be a bad decision. I wish you the very best!

[Author]

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