Im so confused. 6 week ago me and my ex made an arrangement to have the boys week on week off whilst in lockdown. 3 week into it i got a letter to shield, i checked with their dad that they were isolating he said yes. The boys came back and told me that he had been having workmen in to paint, put a trampoline up a BBQ with these men and moved house. Because of this I made the decision to keep the boys with me, I explained all this to him.
Now my ex is taking me to court for access I have told him everything will go yo normal once things have eased, this is he has them 3 weekends out of 4 and half school holidays. Now he has decided after 7 years he wants joint custody, he has stopped my maintenance, he sends me nasty texts and I have had 3 solicitors letters, 1 promising he will not flount lockdown rules again. I have made sure the boys ring him, facetime him, I have even offered for him to come over and see them in the garden, but he didnt.
He has always tried to control me and our boys, now i have stood up to him its like hes trying to punish me. I have a court letter to attend a hearing in August, I feel sick.
I recently chose to take my ex husband to court a couple of months ago to prevent him threatening me and changing arrangements to suit him. Although it wasn’t the nicest experience mainly due to my ex at least arrangements are now set in stone and he is no longer allowed to my house or to phone me unless it’s an emergency (kids have own phones to speak to him). I also chose to go through the child maintenance service to avoid any problems with withdrawing maintenance when he’s in a mood.
I left my ex as he was abusive and since the court order has been in place and everything has been agreed by a judge including him having to pay maintenance agreed by the cms i have felt loads better. He has the children more than i would like but at least the arguments and threats have stopped.
Going to court can be a good thing because it takes the decision out of his hands, he will not have everything his way and you may come out of the whole thing in a better position than you are now.
I agree with picklepie. My ex took me to court a couple of years ago because he wanted to change the informal arrangement and i didnt. Turns out this has been beneficial for me, because when he tries to mess me about i quote the order back at him…although he did get away with messing the kids about for 9 weeks of lockdown, so eventually i reported him to the court and hey presto he suddenly decided he could see the children.
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