My ex is not allowing me to see my children more

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  • #44553 Report

    KarenZako
    Participant

    Hello Everyone

    I am new on this forum. I registered because I require advice please

    I split up with my partner four months ago Because I was suffering emotional and verbal abuse but she is allowing me to see my children only once per week.

    when I just split up my ex was allowing me to see my children whenever I was able  but since she got a solicitor it seems that the solicitor is making me harder to see them

    I did smack my children in the past but she reported me to social services the day I left her. There was an investigation from social services which has been closed with “no further action”

    I only cause some redness on the skin when I did smacked them in the past.

    but her solicitor keep saying there was abuse and because of that she is restricting with contact with my children

    I lost my job because of the Covid situation and I cannot afford a solicitor.

    I am not eligible for legal aid because there is no proof that my ex was domestically abusing me verbally.

    I would be very grateful if anyone could give me some advice on what to do to be able to see my children more often

    thank you

    #44722 Report

    BecksandB
    Participant

    Hi- really can help here. To say this- don’t fret the legal for you yet. Depends whether you want to fight it fire with fire but having been there it’s soul destroying.

    4 months is fresh. Were you married? If not, why did she get a solicitor? And what does she want from one? Do you know if she’s claimed legal aid and if so- how? Or can she afford to waste money over this with you? Also are her solicitors accredited family law solicitors? This is important. Have you had a letter restricting contact and under what grounds and for how long? I think the key to this is finding out what prompted the solicitor involvement. And try to fix that and get back to where you were with her. She wants something. And 4 months is fresh. As for verbal abuse, do some work on recovery for yourself and try to stop using that on her- it might be she is counter alleging your abuse of your children sadly to mirror your allegation against her. It’s a classic thing that is done. I’d simply re brand your split and not allocate blame and work on trying to fix your relationship now as separated parents. Also, trust me. Social services and the courts have some very significant and sinister child welfare cases to deal with and, not that it makes it socially acceptable these days, but smacking is actually not illegal by being physically abusing your child. So honesty is ok and actually parents sometimes do thing they aren’t comfortable with but it’s owning it. And being able to admit weakness doesn’t make you guilty. It makes you human. Social services aren’t anything to fear either. your ex will be the one to fall foul of these same institutions if she continues so obviously to use ‘abuse of the systems and services’ to continue engaging with you. Try and diffuse it. And be prepared to get over her actions quickly so that you can move on. Try and get the solicitor out of the picture because sounds very strange- have you attended mediation with her? What’s her game plan? A C100? Sorry you are going through this. But focus on being the best you and don’t waste time fearing the court….! Also legal aid- that’s usually assessed financially? Means tested? Abuse victims qualification for it isn’t verbal abuse- it’s abuse from assault that’s resulted in a conviction for instance! It’s proved then by virtue of the perpetrator being in jail! Also you can litigate in person. Lots of support on this. Find out the above and happy to message help again if you need.

    #45036 Report

    KarenZako
    Participant

    Hello BecksandB

    Thank you very much taking time to reply in such details.

     

    initially we were not eligible for legal aid but I believe her solicitor managed to convince her ask for a non occupation and non molestation order against me so that she could benefit from legal aid.

    I have been to court and I had to give an undertaking that I wont go to my house again for 12 months.

    I did not receive any letter restricting contact. only an email from her solicitor saying my contact hours are as follows:

    Friday 16:00 to 18:00

    after one week

    Saturday 10:00 to 18:00

    even when I requested for more days to spend with them the solicitor said my ex partner said no

    but when I asked my ex partner she said asked the solicitor.

    the solicitor is practically bullying me and said that I need to pay half the mortgage for the house even though the parents of my ex partner lives in the house as well.

    during the mediation assessment we both said we will reconcile under certain conditions

    but just before mediation my ex partner was provided with a solicitor and during mediation she kept saying no everything and was only mentioning there was abuse and she wont agree to anything.  The day after the mediation I received a letter from the solicitor saying my ex partner has asked for a non occupation order against me.

    I was not even talking to her and communicating by text only and was only asking her a few question about our finance and she asked for a non molestation order.

    I was scared that she will put false allegations towards me and I moved out on the 01/09/2020.

     

    all solicitors that I have contacted said that I will not receive legal aid unless I have proof of domestic abuse.

    your advice will be of great help

    thank you

    kind Regards

    Karen

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