My ex is narcissistic

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  • #49325 Report

    Kellymh
    Participant

    hi my first time doing this, just looking for some advice here really, there so much but my kids father has constantly put me down, lied, belittled me, everything is my fault somehow, ive put up with it for years because i feel bad if kids dont see him as much, he has no time for our 10 year old son he doesnt even call him dad but has time for our daughter whos 3, he bad mouths my other kids that aint his and trys to tell me how to do stuff when he only comes here 1 2 times a week for few hours he accuses me of stuff and trys to say my other daughter whos 7 is naughty spitefull ect when i believe she has adhd which noone helps me he lies about stuff and turns stuff on me, ive had enuff his draining me making me depressed i dont want him around me or my kids nomore is that a bad thing? Any advice i have full custody and responsibilities of all my kids aswell his always been a part time dad hardly bothers at all i do everything 

    #49328 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Hey.

    If he’s causing nothing but bad feelings,it’s the most normal thing not to want him around! Who would? Doesn’t mean you are bad at all.If he had a good relationship with his son in spite of the rest,it would be generous of you to put up with his visits.But you say he can’t even manage That.It sounds like you are having an exhausting time with your difficulties and have enough to do.If you could get him to be either respectful or stop his visits at all you might have more energy to concentrate on your kids and your needs in a calmer way.Doesn’t have to be forever.

    #49331 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    I’d speak to him and say he visits your house to spend time with his child, not to put you down and pick on the other children. You don’t have to provide your house for him to see the child. I’d make it clear that if his behaviour doesn’t stop, he will need to make alternative arrangements to see the child somewhere else.  He should be grateful that you are bending over backwards for you child and his relationship with that child, he shouldn’t spend his time making you feel awful.
    he has access right to see the child, but he has no access rights to you, your other children or your home!
    is there anywhere else he can see his child? With his parents for example.

    #49332 Report

    Kate83
    Participant

    My ex is a narc too they almost make u feel like your going insane because u no your the victim becoz of what they are doing to you yet they turn it all around on u like they are the victim! They don’t care about there kids they use the kids as a weapon to make u feel bad! They tell you what a bad mum u are yet they do not offer to help in anyway! They know your a good mum but will never admit it as they just get a kick out off abusing you! I have been to the police as couldn’t take it anymore I now have something similar to an injunction where he can’t come near me or contact me! He’s now taking me to court about access when I’ve not stopped him seeeeing out daughter it’s just to put me through hell and making me sit there and listern to him make me out to  be a bad mum when I’m dong it all with no help! But I think after this I will hopefully come out stronger!(I hope!) keep a log of everything record him when he’s around u obv discreetly call police if he gets that bad! Like I keep saying u may have a kid with these parasites that does not mean we still have to suffer there abuse!

    #49339 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    Hi kellymh,  If you dont allow your ex around your house for the 1-2 times a week he pops in this will reduce his opportunity to run you down.

    You could do handovers either on doorstep or even better at a neutral location i.e a shop. This way he wont have the opportunity  to criticize or upset you.

    #49343 Report

    Kellymh
    Participant

    Hi, thanks guys, he dont really take kids to his house coz he lives with his mum and she moans they are messy and loud, our son the one he dont bother with dont ever wanna go with him because last time got made to feel crap, so its just been easier to have him come here so i can make sure they ok and that ya no, ive never stopped him seeing them but ive put up with so much i just wanna say ya no wot f off

    Nothing i do is good enuff as i said before he comes to my house to see them 1 2 times a week for few hours and just sits there, he dont help with them do anything with them or even pay out for them i do the lot and ive had enuff of his crap

    I want my kids to see him but sometimes i think is there any point as he aint a dad to them im wasting my time and dragging kids through this crap

    Thankyou

    #49386 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    you’re spot on there. My ex was very similar and I ended up saying he’d have to sort out mediation as I really couldn’t cope anymore. 2 years on and he hasn’t, probably the best decision he ever made! He had some big issues with drugs and booze when he found out I was pregnant with a girl…. he wanted a boy and just completely went off the rails.
    I still fell annoyed he didn’t take steps to see his child! And I’m angry on her behalf.

    but I have spent 2 years happy, less stressed and a better mum for it. And she’s grown into a better child without his toxic influence.
    good luck! It’s not easy

    xx

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