My ex is changing plans at the last minute

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Pumpkin62 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #31505 Report

    Hellie22
    Participant

    Last week my ex told me a few days before he was due to have my daughter on an agreed day he couldn’t have her. Then again a few days later on another arranged day. He also changed a day this week but cancelled last minute, and was supposed to be back to have her tomorrow but messaged today to say he won’t be having her.

    I’m at my wits end with someone who has called the shots from day one. And I’ve had enough. He has refused mediation in the past. What do I do. It’s having an affect on my five year old. I want to say he’s not seeing her unless he takes me to court and they can decide access. I haven’t had a weekend to myself in years, because he says what and when.

    I suffered emotional abuse from him whilst we were together. Nothing recorded medically, but I really struggle communicating with him.

    I genuinely don’t want to say he can’t see her but how else do I sort this out?

    #31511 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    My personal suggestion

    I would communicate via text or email. I would state his contact dates and times.

    if he cancels, simply state ok, then remind him his next planned contact is the next date in the schedule.

    Don’t bother trying to make alternatives or rearrange. You can take back the control. But you need to be strong and consistent.

    if he cancels and this above applies you will find it goes one of two ways, either more consistent or will have made the decision he cannot be bothered with his child. At least then your daughter will know where she stands and temper her expectations appropriately.

    #31525 Report

    Pumpkin62
    Participant

    Hi Hellie22,

    I can completely relate to what you’re going through but not much advise as am figuring this out myself.
    My ex moved away after he moved out so only sees the kids at the weekend and often only for the day. He avoids committing to anything in advance so I try and get him to agree to which weekends he can/can’t have the kids but he avoids committing.
    Even when he does agree to have them, things change at the last minute. So I got a text last Wednesday to say he couldn’t have them today (Sunday).
    It’s shit for everyone: the kids are really upset, I have to deal with additional outbursts of emotional behaviour, and I also have my own emotion of being so upset for the kids and livid with him – EXHAUSTING.
    I separated from the kids dad 8 months ago, so trying to figure out how to make this all work. The kids (aged nearly 3 & 6) want to spend time with their dad, and when he makes an effort, they have so much fun together.
    It’s tough enough separating and becoming a single parent, without the other parent sending across curve balls of shit to unbalance our already fragile life.
    I am being very factual to the kids about things, so after Wednesday’s cancel i told them he suddenly had to work, when they asked for more details, I said I didn’t know.  The previous time, i told them he was ill, again they asked questions and I said I didn’t know. I hope with time they realise that their dad just is unable to commit to being in their lives and they will make their own conclusions – they are far to young to do that now.
    It’s so challenging but I feel I have a responsibility to try and ensure they have a relationship with their dad. Maybe I’m nuts and trying to do to much. Who knows, atm I am just trying to make sure we’re all ok.

    good luck. Happy to chat any time.

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