My ex and kids dad moving abroad after divorce
19 September 2019 at 7:28 pm #30521
My story may be a bit long but bear with me please.
My ex-husband moved to another country soon after the birth of our second child for a job opportunity. He is very career driven . The move was not a mutual decision and caused a lot of arguments. Anyway, he moved and said if I did not move, he was going to divorce me and take my kids away.
Fast forward 3 years, I moved with the kids to where he was as my youngest started asking for his dad and could not bear to see him inhapoy and because I wanted my marriage to be mended.
Two months after our arrival, I found some disturbing messages when his phone from when he went away on a boys weekend and when I confronted him, he made it look like I was the one to blame for looking into his phone ( I only became suspicious and searched for answers once I noticed he turned off the message notifications when he was at home).
Soon after this he filed for divorce ( he filed for divorce 3 times before but never agreed as I really wanted to keep my family together). Our decree absolute was pronounced last month and he also informed me that he will not be returning to the UK with us but instead he has taken a job in his home country.
I was livid and I am still very angry because our boys are very young, 4 and 6, and despite our divorce, they need their father to be physically there. How can he expect to be there for our kids when he will be living in another country?
My heart breaks for my kids because my eldest one has not taken the news very well and I feel helpless, I can not shield them from their dad’s selfish decision.
I do not think I will ever be able to forgive him for deciding voluntarily not to be there for the kids.
I feel very angry and hurt and I do not know how to stop myslf from feeling like this, it’s poisining my life.19 September 2019 at 9:32 pm #30522
Hi I’m new on this forum and my heart really goes out to you as I know what it’s like to be abandoned..my husband left me and my 3 children in 2016.
its hard to forgive and it’s not a feeling that comes overnight but I find what has helped me is realising that my un forgiveness is not going to help me or my kids in this situation. In fact it can make you sick in my opinion if you don’t learn how to try and let stuff go and look to a new future. Have you tried any kind off counselling?19 September 2019 at 10:14 pm #30525
Why would he say: if you don’t move i will divorce you and take the kids away . That’s a very selfish man, who put you as a person last19 September 2019 at 10:29 pm #30529
I have tried counselling in the past and it helped but right now I am not in a strong financial position to afford it.
I need to learn to forgive his selfish decision but it will probably take time. Since my ex told the kids that he will be moving to another country, my eldest has started to play up at school and he is behaving like a completely different child than how he was before all this. My heart just breaks for him, he is such a sensitive soul. His dad does not even seem interested in how it affects the kids, he is focused in building his new life.
He started threatening with divorce within two weeks of being told of his job promotion in the new country. I was simply not ready for the move at that time because it was too soon after the birth of our second child and was struggling with a toddler and a baby. He just did not want to hear what I had to say, it was his way or the highway.20 September 2019 at 6:01 am #30531
How old is your child/ children that are playing up? I can only share with you what has helped me. Have you spoken to school about the situation and asked for support… I was very transparent about the situation and they put my son in a small group each day with other kids going through stuff at home.
I do believe this helped him.23 September 2019 at 3:33 pm #30610
Hi Mirrabella, I am sorry you are feeling this way. You would like your kids to have a traditional kind of family with a mother, a father and all of that. It’s understandable. However, that’s not always possible. He might have to support you financially, but you can’t force your ex to be a good father/husband and he really doesn’t seem to be interested in being physically there for your kids. It’s unfair on you and your kids, true. But I can assure you that you can be fine anyway. You will probably find that you are better off without having a person in your life who has been threatening to divorce you shortly after you had a baby and acted so selfishly. I believe kids need loving, caring parents, not just “parents”. I hope you find the resources inside of you to put yourself together, forget the anger and slowly leave your ex in the past.