My ex accuses me of being abusive when he is the perpetrator. Help!

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  • #39995 Report

    Rosy cheeks
    Participant

    Me and my ex split up 2 years ago and have a 5 and a 7 year old. He was abusive (emotionally) throughout the relationship but I just put u with it. eventually I broke up with him but since then it has been even worse.

    Both the kids live with me. He does have regular contact. However to cut an extremely long story short I have completed a C100 form which details the abuse to me, and 5he risk it poses to the kids.

    He accuses me of being the abuser which I can promise is not the case.  In fact he accuses me of anything and everything. Always has done. He is aggressive towards me and unable to control his emotions if he’s angry. It is scary but my concern is when it happens  in front of the kids.
    How does it all work from here?

    I desperately want a contact order so he can see them without us having to liaise.

    I cant take any more of his behaviour.

    I am quite sure he will bring up these false allegations. He is manipulative and believes his own rubbish, and makes everyone else he is with believe him too.  I was struggling 2 years ago and am on anti depressants but since then I have got strong again and am no longer an anxious wreck!

    I am so stressed that I will have to defend myself for something I can’t prove I didn’t do. So worried.

    I have submitted the C100 and now I’m totally stressing out about it all. I’m not using a solicitor as I don’t qualify for legal aid. I feel so intimidated by him and just can’t bear anymore of it.

    I have a DV support worker who is great.

    How quickly will it all happen? I have asked for urgent hearing.

    Will I need a solicitor? I know everything I am saying it the absolute truth. But he is sly and a massive bulky. People warm to him.
    I just want a calm life for me and the kids. He is like a bull in a china shop. Emotionally crazy.

    So anxious now that I have opened up a can of worms. But I can’t carry on like this.

    Does anyone have any experience of this?

    thanks xx

    #40001 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    Please do get in touch with womens aid and tell them what you have told us. They can talk you through all of this and offer a lot of expertise on this matter. They have a live chat that runs for a few hours each day or you can phone their helpline or send them an email. They deal with cases like this all of the time. You may also be able to find a solicitor who will represent you pro bono if you havent tried that already. Again they will be of massive help. Speak to your doctor and ask them for a letter talking about your mental health and the medications you are on, if you’ve ever metioned his behaviour to them as a reason behind your mental health its important they put this in the letter. You may have to pay a small fee for the letter. Go through your phone and look for any conversations with him or messages that could back up what you are saying and print off screen shots of them and put them in a folder to have as evidence if you need it. If you have spoken to your childrens teachers about his behaviour or the teachers have noticed changes in your childrens behaviour that could be linked to the abuse you could ask them to prepare a letter or report stating this.

    Emotional abuse cases are a little more difficult than physical abuse because its harder to prove but not at all impossible and like I said there is support available to get you through. What I would say is look up these items as they may help you:

    Narcissistic abuse
    Cycle of abuse
    Traumatic bonding
    Idealization/devaluation
    Ghosting/Hoovering
    Gaslight
    Concrete wall
    Manipulation
    Projecting Insecurity
    Distorting Reality
    Cliffhanger
    Narcissistic Rage
    Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome<!–/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/share/clipdata_200514_083301_046.sdoc–>

    I hope this helps. But please get in touch with womens aid. They were my rock when I was going through abuse. Stay safe

    #40097 Report

    MummyEm9012
    Participant

    I have the same. Mine decided to say I’m controlling, whilst attempting to keep cutting off my relationship with my children and support network. The kids live with me too. Do you get made to feel anxious by his behaviour ? The allegations of me being controlling are to make me do the opposite with the kids, creating more problems and stopping me from sorting out the ones he creates.

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