My daughter refuses contact with me.
13 February 2021 at 1:33 am #49431
Hi there! Straight to the point, my ex and I seperated in December 2018, I was a regular drinker with an obsession with everything being done my way.
Originally it was agreed that regular contact would be best for my daughter. I screwed that up by drinking or being hungover and useless during contact.
No excuse but I was seriously depressed about the break up and just didn’t have any care for myself or anyone else.
Contact was understandably stopped.
However, I have completely turned my life around and desperately want to build a relationship with my daughter.
I either get told by her Mother that I can’t be trusted and that my daughter refuses any form of contact with me.
Any advice?13 February 2021 at 12:43 pm #49434
What age is your daughter? I’m quite impressed that you’ve been able to reflect and accept your part in what brought you to where you are today. You’ve been really honest. We all have faults.
Is your daughter open to telephone contact? Or can you write to her?
I know with my eldest child (16yo), he’s disconnected from his dad now for a few years and I feel that had dad taken some responsibility and apologised for allowing their relationship to deteriorate to the point it did, then it might have been easier to come back from. The longer time passes, the more difficult it is to repair.
If your child is younger then it’s mum you’re going to need to convince. Either way, you’ll need to be patient.13 February 2021 at 6:57 pm #49449
I don’t think you need to convince mum at all. You need to attempt mediation which could possibly be refused due to your past issues. But you can regain contact with you child through contact centres and court.
I doubt it will be easy and I’m sure you’ll understand (as you’ve been so honest on here) you’ll need to jump through hoops and prove yourself, to the relevant authorities.
my child has a dad who experienced pretty similar and hasn’t seen her for 2 years. I’d be unwilling to deal with him directly and wouldn’t let my child go and see him without any safeguarding in place which was enforced by a court or contact centre. But I would be happy that he was willing to make the effort and willing to mend the wrongs but I’d need reassurance that my child would be safe and dad had really turned a corner.
hope this helps x14 February 2021 at 11:45 am #49465
tough times. Sorry for where you landed. Unfortunately not all things we do are reversible. We have our choices in life and everyone else has. So we have to accept when people have trust issues or just don’t want us around them any more as a fact only they can change. All we can do is help them to change their mind. So the question is not so much what you can do to change things, but what can you do to help them change their mind and how long it will take. Maybe never. But hopefully you have the stamina and will to show you are worth it and it will. I worked a few years with alcoholics now and know it isn’t plain sailing at all. First there is the drinking and then there are the underlying issues which made the drinking a necessity, a working tool to get over them. They need to be addressed as well. So it will take time.
She is your daughter and there is the old thing with blood and water. Be patient and for the time being just show presence by writing letters, keeping in touch by non intrusive means and keep yourself on track regardless of how your daughter will respond. We can’t change the past, however hard we try. But we can live today.14 February 2021 at 12:19 pm #49466
be positive and have patience , learn from the past , things will get better slowly .