My daughter is 4 weeks old and my partner has left. How do I cope?

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  • #41593 Report

    RJ1994
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    Just looking for some advice really or reassurance from anyone who has been in the same situation as me.

    My daughter is 4 weeks old and as of yesterday, my partner is leaving and I’m going to become a single mum. I am still getting used to being a mum (FTM) and I really feel like emotionally I am not strong enough to deal with this too.

    Since she was born, my partner (now ex) has gone out a few times and rolled in at stupid o’clock. He has a unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it’s been a cause of many arguments but it all came to a head a couple of days ago and he is now leaving. Emotionally I am a very weak person and I am the first to admit that I am very emotionally reliant on him whereas he likes to do his own thing, which ultimately is probably why it didn’t work. We haven’t had sex since our baby was conceived despite me trying to initiate it, and during our most recent argument he admitted that he’s been trying to fake the relationship for the sake of the baby but has come to terms with the fact I he doesn’t like me as a person. Which really really hurts. I love him to pieces despite how much he hurts me but I know deep down I have been kidding myself that he feels the same – I was turning a blind eye to it.

    We have both said some nasty things to each other and I am no angel, but coming to terms with the fact he feels like a weight has been lifted by not being with me, and that our relationship has been a lie for however long, really hurts and I am struggling to deal with that reality on top of looking after a newborn baby. I feel so sad for her.

    I look into my babies eyes and just want to cry, she doesn’t deserve this. I feel like I am just going through the motions of feeding, changing etc and can’t ‘enjoy’ these moments because emotionally I am so hurt. I don’t have any friends and I don’t want to reach out to my family as I feel they will be disappointed, and I am embarrassed that I couldn’t hold a family together. I am struggling to eat, and the thought of how happy he will be without me is honestly tearing me apart inside.

    Where do I go from here? Does it get better? 🙁

     

    #41602 Report

    J2011E
    Participant

    Oh sweetheart. Firstly, you’re not alone. Not by any means. What you’ going through is awful; you’ve got to deal with the end of a relationship whether it’s a weight lifted or not, you’ve got a new baby and you’re a first time mum.

    I would recommend you reach out to your family, even if you’ve fallen out before. Chances are they didn’t like your ex to begin with. A baby is a great joy for everyone. My family hated my ex and even suggested an abortion. But when my baby was born they were very supportive. I don’t know your family history, only you do so it’s a judgment call. Personally, I would give them the olive branch. Expect a few comments but they’ll soon die down.

    Don’t let your ex spoil this time. I did and I really regret it. Celebrate your child. Get involved with support groups. If you’re breastfeeding (I wasn’t due to illness) there’s great support out there. If not ask your health visitor for information.

    If you’re feeling better now the relationship is over your baby will feel better as they feed off your emotions.

    You are never alone. Even if it’s just on here you feel supported. There’s always someone listening.

    #41606 Report

    Janelou39
    Participant

    Hey hun you are definitely not alone, i split my my sons dad when i was 7 months pregnant because he was leading a double life. Im not going to lie and say its all easy because its not. I did it all by myself all the feeds all the sleepless nights but it passes. My son will be 3 in October and the only free time i get is working but i only went back part time. My ex has zero contact because he too has an issue with wonen and alcohol so in a way that makes me happy. It will seem painful now but you will be happy in the long term. Xx

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