My children don’t want to see me

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    JHR
    Participant

    I have two boys aged 13 and 11. I split up with their dad 5 years ago. While we were together social services had to be involved because there was domestic violence on both parts. In the end, this resulted in me having to move out of the house and go back to my parents house because my ex owns his house.

    It was very tough for me, especially when my ex wouldn’t let me see them.  After a year I applied to move back and I was success in getting a place a few miles away from my kids. But that just caused more problems and on many occasions he would refuse to bring them down to me, and when I asked him if I could pick them up he said no.  It was a constant struggle, so yet again I applied to move, and this time I am within walking distance from my kids. My ex hates this because he likes to be in control.

    The msin thing that causes the problem is him and also the fact that in Feb 2018 he put on a child arrangement order where I’m only allowed to see my kids every Wednesday and every other weekend. He never sticks to this and then he is now brain washing the kids by keep telling them that it’s their choice. It’s not. The order is a legal document, my ex just calls it a bit of paper.  My ex also tells them that I’m bad for their mental health and they shouldn’t be living with me. For several weeks my eldest has said that he doesn’t want to come round and now my youngest son is doing the same thing.

    When they do come round they are the boys I love and they don’t fight or argue. Yet when they go back to him they tell me to shut up and put the phone down on me. My ex has got a new girlfriend but I’ve been told that they split up yesterday, but that’s just what my son told me about it. She moved in, changed everything and its just gone from bad to worse.

    My kids have no respect for me and I don’t know why they won’t come round. If I ring them they just think I’m pestering them. I’m at my wits end and I don’t have the strength to fight. What do I do?

     

    #50423 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    Hey there,

    I can’t imagine how hard it’s situation for you.

    Kids here are innocent  on this chaos!

    I think your ex made a terrible mistake to brainwash his kids again their mom.

    Obviously he doesn’t understand he makes them nervous and put stress on them!

    To be honest I never had experience like this with my ex and my son lives me and I’ll try to be very careful when I want to talk about my ex in front of my son coz I do care about my son and I realize that my son needs his mom too.

    I think the best way to start is finding the way to talk with your kids I mean what do they like? For instance if they have any hobbies like camping or doing specific game just take them there and make them happy maybe with this trick you can get their attention. And I’ve to say I know it’s so difficult due to covid-19 limitations but I’m pretty sure you can make it.

    Stay safe and hope things get better for you.

     

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