My boyfriend left me pregnant and I can’t tell my family

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  • #45344 Report

    Qweenie
    Participant

    I now realise I initially put this post in the wrong place lol☺️

    Hi I’m new to this forum and at 6 weeks pregnant I now find myself alone. The guy I loved, and who I thought would be by my side has played me more times than a fiddle. Earlier in the year he actually wanted me to have his baby but insisted I wanted to try and do things the right way and having a child out of wedlock would of had me disowned by my family. Our relationship was very rocky he would try to manipulate me but we’d fall out because it never worked and I saw through it but nonetheless he was my best friend and I thought that him not being able to manipulate me was because he finally met his match but I was wrong and he found other ways . Eventually I lost my job and my brother died which left me depressed but instead of being supportive he went and slept with someone else. When we got back together I insisted we wear condoms but he never had any and it became a case of next time, but next time never came. He then stated accusing me of cheating when I wasn’t going anywhere as I was grieving , I couldn’t even do the things I loved like going to the gym or drawing and hed say he didn’t trust me which I quickly saw through ( he wasn’t being honest and HE was the one that couldn’t be trusted) to cut the long story short (because it is very long) I’m 30 and This is my first pregnancy when he first found out I was pregnant he told me to get rid of the baby , he said he’d pay me £2000 to do it,  and if he had the same knowledge he would of paid he’s two other baby mums to abort the kids he has with them when he found out ( he has a 9year old girl and a 8 year old boy with 2 other women) I was shocked heart broken and above or else insulted. A week went by , he insisted he wanted to come by so I let him (scared that he would harm the baby but my love for him wanted to give him a chance to take back what he said) he insisted he didn’t mean what he said he apologised but I wasn’t convinced I asked him if he was drunk he said no asked him not to say things he didn’t mean but he insisted that we should go counselling , which is something I that would help him.He even kissed my belly as we discussed names we made love and he held my belly whilst we slept callin it his baby, I was happy , for a moment. I almost  believed him, but the next morning it had started again. It was as though he just wanted to sleep with me. He begun saying he didn’t want to be with me which at this point I’m ok with but the pressure he is putting on me to have an abortion is unfair. He’s already said if I don’t have one I’m alone he will show me what abandonment really is, he called his sisters to tell me just how hard motherhood is and how I’d be destroying my life, as ambitious as I am even I don’t believe that. He will never change his mind which is sad for my baby especially because I didn’t have my own mum and dad, I waited for the right time and though I thought this man would be the man I married it turns out he’s not but it tears me apart to know he’s refusing this child like I conceived it by myself! To add to the pain, because of how he’s left me I can’t bare to tell my family or my friends. I’m scared I’ll be laughed at and disowned I’m scared I’ll never find love again which is all I’ve ever wanted,  all I’ve ever prayed for.  I’m still in shock it’s been a week since I haven’t eaten or slept properly and I can’t seem to stop replaying what’s happened over and over in my head. I know I got played but it’s a hard pill to swallow and with a second lock down I don’t know what I’m gonna do or how I’ll get over this. I’m trying to look to the future and focus on me and my baby(or babies as I feel like I’m having more than 1 for some reason ) but it’s not easy. And these first trimester cramps are no joke so I could use someone’s help but anyway that’s why I’m here is like to connect with likeminded individuals or those who have gone through what I’m about to embark on a s can help give me some words of encouragement because I really want to keep this child I just don’t want him/her/they to suffer because of my decision.

    Sorry about the essay but can someone please help me.

    love and light to all ❤️

    #45476 Report

    Fcdc257
    Participant

    Hi Qweenie,

    Thank you for reaching out like you have, it takes a lot of strength and courage to open up and I appreciate how honest you have been.

    I am so sorry and saddened by your experiences. How you have been treated and what feels like mind games is the last thing you need now you are growing a life inside you.

    You and your child deserve happiness and peace in this life together. Your post really shows how compassionate you already are for your little one this early on so as time passes the natural love and bond for your baby will likely flourish more I feel. I appreciate the circumstances are not how you would want them to likely be but I hope I can share some encouragement in a way.

    I am 28 and have a 2 year old daughter whom I have always been a single parent to all through being pregnant with her. Her father begged me and bribed me with a holiday to terminate the pregnancy but that was never going to happen. I had a year previous to becoming pregnant with her, had a large tumour on my ovary and had to have my ovary removed. This was a game changer for me as although its still possible to conceive time is against us in a lot of ways with our biological clock. I felt so blessed being gifted with a child when losing apart of my fertility. Fast forwarding to now, my little girl is the best aspect of my life I couldn’t imagine life without her, she has given me a purpose and meaning to life. I am now 6 months pregnant with a little boy, and single again unfortunately. The father has shit the door for good. Couldn’t write it really, but I know God has chosen me to be these children’s mother and raise them. Its been incredibly hard as the tiredness and pregnancy symptoms are less of a priority as I have my little girls needs to care for still and she’s such an energetic soul. I’m ways though I am very grateful as I haven’t had time to over think or over worry this time round being pregnant. The circumstances are anything but ideal, practically or financially but I have learned as long as you have buckets full of love and trusted people in your life to support you you can and will get through this. There were and are many positives being a single parent like having double the love, raising your child with your morals and values and how you like to etc. I am not dismissing the fact that dad’s aren’t needed and are still important in a child’s life but this is the 21st century and there are so many varied family structures and types existing in society who’s to say what is a normal family. As long as a child is loved, safe and cared for that’s all that really matters. Nobody can judge you as it’s your life as an adult and you are the creator of your journey. Loved ones will warm to the idea in time as children are so pure and innocent. Time is too precious for it to be spent on people who do not value you or know your worth.

    Sorry to ramble on, my thoughts are with you and hope you do what feels right for you and your life. Here if you want to talk x

    #45481 Report

    Qweenie
    Participant

    thank you for your kind words. It’s encouraging to speak to women like yourself who have been there done it and aren’t afraid to do it alone. It’s very hurtful and it’s not easy but I’m better than I was last week Thank God, and I’m still fighting to keep this baby no matter how bad I feel.
    Thank you for sharing your story with me, God bless you and your littles ones x

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: moderator removed formatting codes
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