My 7yr old texting his father's dominatrix girlfriend.

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  • #6505 Report

    EllieBoltbolt
    Participant

    Hello.

    I’m new to all this and I feel as if it’s the only place left to turn for advice because I am yet to come across anyone in my situation.

    18 months ago my then husband left me to pursue a life in BDSM and Polyamerism. Christmas last year he told my 2 & 7 year old boys that he had multiple girlfriends and when I challenged him he said via email that he intended to introduce the children to all of his girlfriends. I put a stop to this and we had an on going battle for 3 months until he eventually agreed not to introduce a zillion different women to our children.

    He sees the children for a weekend or 3/4 nights every 2 months if they are lucky.

    His ‘main’ girlfriend is single, some kind of child physiology worker and is also a dominatrix and arranges queer festivals and the like. They dont live together, shes in London and hes in Scotland. She plasters her facebook page with pictures of them in chains and leather and dog collars etc. Slogans of ‘NSFL’ (Not safe for life) on them. One picture even being in the confectionary isle of sainsburys. They are certainly not discreet in anyway. This has nothing to do with me and I wouldn’t give a monkeys if my children weren’t anything to do with them.

    The children have met her three times (the third being this Christmas 2017)

    Anyway, now you know the background, here is my dilemma.

    My ex bought my 7yr old a mobile phone for Christmas. I agreed to this because I thought it may improve the relationship between my 7yr old and his father.

    Only I have since come to realise that he (my son) is now in continual contact with his new ‘best friend’… my ex’s girlfriend the child physc/ professional dominatrix.

    I have a huge problem with this. I don’t know her from Adam. The kids don’t know her very well either.

    I’m not sure whether this is something I just have to suck up or if I am within my right to put a stop to the texting from her?

     

    I have already had to try and be reasonable and allow my children to be in contact with her when my ex has them, but I felt that my ex was in control and I trusted that he wouldn’t let them come into harm or be subjected to any of the adult stuff they are into. I feel like I shouldn’t allow this unsupervised contact?.

     

     

    Any advice or is anyone is in my situation or is able to help me deal with it will be appreciated.

     

     

    N.b.

    I have a boyfriend. He is known as my best friend and he doesnt sleep in my house when the children are here. We are what’ considered ‘vanilla’ to my ex… so I guess quite boring and conventional ūüėČ

    #6513 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Ellie I am so very sorry to hear all this.  Your poor children caught up in this madness.

    So I am not one to give advice as i used a sperm donor after 20 years of  childless marriage with a man who sounds  as disgusting as your husband  so you lose the phone and go and get legal advice.

    Down load text messages, emails copy all crap from face book as you will need this for evidence.  Do not challenge either one of them just get this evidence as you will prove that he is an unfit father.

    Children are innocent and this is abuse so down load photos as you will show all this to your solicitor.

    #6514 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Also forgot to tell you that your child will tell his friends and teacher so you need to get legal advice.  You let husband does not have their interest at heart because he is consumed in sex, lust and exploring sex with anyone that has interest in this kind of sex.

    #6517 Report

    EllieBoltbolt
    Participant

    Thank you Sherima.

    It’ so good to hear someone else’ opinion. I talk to my friends and family and they just say, ‘aww, you need to try and not let it get to you’. … and that it. It drives me mad because I think if that was their own children they would be as confused and as cross as I am.

     

    The worst part of all this is, if they kept their interests private, then I probably wouldn’t be so defensive and cross. I’d have an understanding that if they are private about it then there would be no way they’d risk anything becoming apparent to my children. The fact that they put it all over Facebook etc makes me worry that if they are that blaze about it in public god knows what they let the boys be subjected to.

     

    I’e gone from trusting a man with our children for 7 years to feeling as if I have to try really hard to trust that he won’ let them become exposed to anything.

     

    He said his pervertedness stemed from walking in on his grandparents watching a documentary on S&M when he was of a similar age to my eldest.

    He said his uncle used to burn him with cigarettes and he had a regular babysitter who used to wear a long shiney coat that he had his first crush on. All this came out when we were breaking up because I needed to understand what was going on in his head.

    The more I think about the conversations we have had, then more worrying it seems.

     

    I’ve taken your advice on board, get evidence discreetly and then if anything seems untoward I’ll stop contact straight away. Just makes me sick that I have to wait until then. (I’e sort advice from a social worker on that point)

     

    Thanks again. It means alot to get support on this xx

    #6521 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Honestly this is sick so you need to protect your children because you brought them into the world.  People live their sick un normal lives through fake book and it can lead to.mental illness .

    So get evidence and back it up as you need it. Your husband was neglected and abused so needs help . I don’t know what kind of family and friends you have but if you were my sister I will tell you the same thing . Your kids should not be exposed to this kind of filth . They don’t teach this at school do.they?

    #6536 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Forgot to.mention just collect information with dates print it etc… but don’t tell anyone what you are doing. If your kids were not in contact with their father and much older then I will tell you don’t bother get on with your life. ¬†Your kids need protecting from this weirdo. ¬†He is out of control so just get the evidence and wait. ¬†As for phone accidentally drop it or damage sim card.

    If your friends are not helpful or see your ¬†side then they are not friends . It’s a new year out with the rubbish and just get on with your life.

    People go throughmid life crisis.  I am not ante men . We saw violence and abuse in my family towards my lovely hard working mother   but my brother, sister and myself are good parents and put our children before ourselves.

     

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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