My 2yo son has big separation anxiety when I take him from his mum.

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  • #52333 Report

    Marke
    Participant

    My partner and I split up about 10 months  ago. It was just at the end of the 1st lockdown.
    Having spent the lockdown period (4months) being his daytime carer It hit me really hard.  I still see him most days but it’s often only briefly and then there’s the genuine agony of not living in the same house, not seeing him on the morning and often at bedtime. I still have a truly wonderful  relationship with my son and am very confident he enjoys his time with me. Though I see him fairly frequently he isn’t able to stay with me overnight. We’ve managed a couple of times but more and more he misses his mum. He is still breast fed and has night feeds and it makes it pretty much impossible for me to take him at night without a lot of stress for him. The last time I had him he cried for his mum for over an hour. I’m wondering if anyone could give me a bit of advice on this? Is this just him missing his mum or breast or both?
    Would it be selfish of me to ask her to stop breast feeding? As much as I want him to be with me I dont want it to have a negative impact on him, I honestly don’t know what to do!

    #52338 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    I think like myself,there will be single mum’s on here thinking this is a thoughtful and considerate question. Not rocket science really.Which 2 year old do any of us know who likes having two different beds in two different hiuses? I know we think it’s ‘reasonable”and ‘fair ‘  to share the kids but it’s really an insane situation for them.The kids are innocent in these messed up si tuations.I wonder why the adults don’t swap houses when it’s their turn to look after the kids? Bc it would be far too stressful for us,right? Well this is what it does to the kids.They’re not really resilient and all that,they’re just too small to voice their opinions.No insult to you,you’re probably doing all you can by the sound of things but practically speaking an average 2 yr old is too young for this messing about to go smoothly,no difference what the law says or whats ‘fair’.

    #52360 Report

    Lyndsey1611
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m having a similar problem with my one year old son, but the other way around. He has a good relationship with his Dad and has just started staying overnight. However when he comes home to me, he is extremely clingy and anxious if he can’t see me.

    He sleeps really well at his Dads but as soon as he’s back home, he needs me to be with him for most of the night (which is unusual).

     

    I think it’s good you have asked this question. I not sure my advice is that useful but, I think the best thing you can do is try and talk to her honestly about your concerns. If you have noticed he misses her, he’s probably struggling there too at the thought she might be going at any point.

    I am trying to make arrangements with my ex to make sure I drop our son off and come into his house for a little bit (as hard as that it) with the intention that he could maybe start to see us all as his life rather than having two separate parts – one where I’m not involved at all.

    not sure if any of that helps! Good luck though

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