My 10 year old son doesn’t want contact with his dad!!!

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  • #61967 Report

    Nic1182
    Participant

    My 10 year old son doesn’t want to see or speak to his dad. He has given me many reasons which are upsetting to hear. I’ve have tried to encourage my son and tell him that his dad loves him but he is adamant he wants no contact. After going through mediation which I’m exempt from due to domestic violence he is now taking me to court for access . He doesn’t believe the reasons my son says are from him.  This is causing my son to get very upset when I ask if he wants to ring or message him. On a few occasions he has wet the bed which never happens. He also doesn’t pay any maintenance anymore. I don’t believe that with how upset it is making my son that contact would be in his best interest. And my ex doesn’t seem to see that forcing him isn’t helping. Any advice would be appreciated as I’m worried and scared I will let my son down if he is forced to see him.

     

     

     

    #62001 Report

    Lolly2510
    Participant

    I went through this when my daughter was 6, she made the decision based on what she heard and saw. We went through cafcass and whilst it was incredibly upsetting and stressful ultimately looking back I’m sure cafcass did what they thought right for the child. It honestly didn’t feel that way at the time.

    eventually once the reports went in and my daughter ran away from the contact centre, the judge ruled it was no longer in the child’s best interest to see her father.
    I spoke at length to my daughter over the years regarding seeing her dad she has never changed her mind.. she’s 18 now.
    all you can do is support your boy, listen to what he says and be there for him. It can be a messy ordeal but you know him better than anyone and there is no right way or wrong way to deal with it all… he already doesn’t want to see his dad don’t risk making him alienate you too

    good luck xx

    #62080 Report

    Nic1182
    Participant

    Thank you Lolly2510. It is awful to have to put him through all this. I’m hoping I can speak to my solicitor before I speak to caffcass. I try to encourage him but he just says is it alright to hurt my mummy, is it alright to fall asleep and leave me on my own is it ok to make me feel bad to make me speak to you. Amongst other things.  I can totally understand why he doesn’t want to see him. And to be honest I think contact will not be in his best interests. My son also says he will run away if he is forced to see him. My ex also has a history of mental health issues and I think he takes promazine which is an anti psychotic and has also attempted to top himself.  Im really not sure contact is a good idea. I love my son so much and will support him as much as he needs. Thank you so much for your advice. I just don’t know anyone that has been through the caffcass process.   Xx

    #62319 Report

    cat2021
    Participant

    I am having the same too both my two do not want to see Thier dad due to seeing and hearing things that they shouldn’t of and seeing Thier dad visablly choosing drink time and time again over them when he was with us. Councillors and school have told them they do not need to see him of they don’t want too but ex has decided to not listen to me or them and said he’s now safe he’s needs a professional like cafcass cos mine and the schools and councilors arnt professional enough. There is also a restraining order in place and the courts are letting his councilor say if he’s safe now too but he won’t accept the views of my son’s councilor.

    I hope that cafcass and the courts can help both you and myself and that the children’s views are put accross and I am sorry to hear that you are going through the same.

    I have been told to just be honest with cafcass and put all the views accross as to why the children don’t want it or why it won’t be in Thier best interest and they should listen. Hope this helps a bit and sorry for moaning too xx

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