Mum Trying To Control Every Aspect Of My Life

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  • #53012 Report

    G1990
    Participant

    Well where do I start…

    I need some advice into what to do really I”m a seperated from my childs mother and I live up north (Liverpool) and my child lives down south (London) with mum. I moved away from the parental home in 2018 after taking the step to leave due to mental strain of abuse from my ex, we had split up anyways but I was basically pushed out, hence why im in Liverpool because I didnt know anyone or family down south so had no where to go except back north. So with in a few months she found someone else and got pregnant with him and moved him in with her, I accepted that because I was over the relationship, but to this day I havent met the guy. He seems to be a good role model with my daughter which im pleased about, but its the mother (ex) thats really being unfair. Ive always paid my child maintenance and I dont withhold it and im very fair in regards to co-parenting, but she really tries to control every aspect of my relationship with my daughter. I send care packages at least once a month to my daughter, it includes things such as toys,comic,sweets, socks etc just nice gifts really. I send money to mum via bank every week for my daughter. I work in education so because of the distance I have my daughter during holidays, half term etc. Shes just very controlling, always trying to squeeze extra money out from me and the amount mum recieves is fair, she always makes exscuses saying its for nursery fees etc but then she will contact me to use some of the nursery money to go half on clothing etc eventhough that money is purposly allocated for nursery. Every december I buy clothes for the year for my daughter, loads of outfits, shoes, trainers you name it and I add to it through out the year. When my daughter stays she packs old clothes for her and all the nice clothes I ve brought are not in sight, also her clothes stink of cigarrates and it really upset me, because I do everything for my daughter and its just not fair. My daughter met my partner recently and they really bonded and got on well and it was just nice. I have also booked a holiday for me and my daughter and my partner in the summer to Devon, lovely week away by the beach in a holiday park so it has everything for my daughter activity wise. Now mum was okay with the idea when I booked it in feb and now shes saying she cant go and she wont allow my daughter to be around my partner. Im just fed up because I feel its her way or the highway, even though her partner lives around my daughter and my daughter has been calling him daddy, because she had mentioned him as daddy in conversation last time she was staying with me. I told her mother to make sure shes calling him by his name not daddy because im daddy, and she just kind of blanked it.

    So I dont really know what to do to be honest im so fed up with her mums behaviour!

    Also id like to make more friends through here because I dont really know anyone in Liverpool except my sister really who I live with.

    Has anyone witnessed this type of behaviour before?

    Kindest Regards

    G

    #53014 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello G,

    same sad story and not much one can do. The punishment goes on and on until you decide to end it. There is no way of playing by the rules and changing things if your opponent just does  ignore the rules and set up her own. You are trying to be the good one but it won’t work. You have to decide what you want. And then do it. I am in a very similar position and found out the hard way that I can’t be nice and a good father the same time. Sometimes you just have to respond in kind.

    It is either you start to make a plan and set up steps what you want to achieve and realize them one step at a time, or you will be played until your relationship with your daughter is so undermined that you will find not very much of yourself in it any more. If you don’t want to be sidelined you have to enter the centre stage. There is no other way.

    The only person you have to show you are a good dad is your daughter. She is the one you need to focus on.

    Get the holiday done, it is your right to have it. It’s your daughters right and let not take that away from her. Show her, you can stand up to her mother.

     

    #53024 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    if your being denied contact with your child unreasonably, then I suggest you get in touch with a mediator. If you want a decent arrangement in place you could look at taking the legal route.

    #53086 Report

    Leader1978
    Participant

    It’s really concerning when I read similar posts where parents are dictating when the other parent can see the children, it is the right of the children which is paramount in all this.  Have you checked on the CMS website as to how much child support would be payable if you were to go down that route?

    Also, given the contact with your daughter is inconsistent and fractured, I would apply to mediation so that you and your ex partner can agree a schedule which is workable for your daughter.  If mediation fails, then court would be the next point of call where a court order would be obtained stating how much time your daughter will be spending in the care of each parent.  This order becomes enforceable if it is not followed.

    I’m based in Nottingham but feel free to connect for a chat etc… always happy to lend an ear

    #53329 Report

    G1990
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Thanks for the support and advice ive only just signed online.

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