Mum of 2 and pregnant and separating from their Dad

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  • #52900 Report

    Mum2b1g
    Participant

    I am currently pregnant with my 3rd child and am going through a separation with the father.  We have been together a long time but he has mood swings and blames me for everything, saying I make him totally miserable I’m Unaffectionate I make no effort he criticises me for not finding things funny (most often I find his jokes offensive as they are usually sexist or racist) and the worst is when he apologises to our oldest son fir having such an awful mum and the list goes on.  The next day he might be fine and I’m amazing  and it’s like nothing has happened.  I get ignored and shit down for days on end and I’m expected to just accept all of this.

    I work really hard and often long hours and I’d honestly say if you ask my kids they would say I’m a great mum I spend all my spare time with them and prioritise them which seems to be another aggravation.

    I find it hard to tell anyone close to me how bad things are as I don’t want anyone to judge him as he’s suffered from depression before which is again my fault and has regularly threatened to commit suicide.

    I feel so trapped.   The house is in my name so I can’t move out and he won’t go with out a huge sum of money which is fine but I’m about to go on maternity leave it’s just not possible to raise and pay at the moment.  I feel so alone and I hate asking for help but I don’t know where to turn to.  My friends all seem to have these normal happy relationships and of course can have an arguement or disagreement without it being the end of the world.

    ive leant to be super independent as everything we ever plan he pulls out of every wedding or funeral I attend alone I tend to celebrate birthdays alone and every holiday he tries to cancel even though I pay for them.  But the thought of having a baby and giving birth alone doesn’t fill me with glee but the thought of him being there makes me feel sick after how awful and nasty he’s been to me.

    ive suggested he might be bipolar and suggested maybe he needs some help but it’s always turned round onto me and it being my fault and that he’s read online that pregnant women can be hormonal and I’m irrational if I ask him to help with the kids and then have a go at him when he just ignores me.

    im literally at the end of my tether.  I do wish I could run away and get a new place with the kids.   I’d never stop him seeing them but I don’t want to have to keep dealing with this.

    #52941 Report

    Hi Mum2b1g

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here. I’ll leave you a message in your account.

    Kind regards

    Michelle

    #52951 Report

    Estelle1987
    Participant

    So sorry you’re going through this and it sounds like your other half isn’t making things easy for you. I don’t have much advice except to say you’re not alone, I’m in a similar position with a toddler and a baby on the way (I’m 5 months) and I’ve just had enough. I want to leave but I feel trapped too. It sounds reassuring that you are the home owner and financially independent, have you broached the subject of leaving with your partner or are you looking to explore options first? I’m in the opposite position and we live in a house jointly owned, however I now only work 3 days after having my first, so I can’t afford the mortgage on my own but my husband has our joint savings in his name so I can’t access it without asking him first, so can’t even look into temporarily moving out at the moment (I just can’t face speaking to him about it yet as we have been having marriage counselling which isn’t really helping but wanted to look into my options for just getting away).

    There’s an info bit on here about housing rights, not sure you can make him leave but do you think he would totally refuse to if you asked? Could you afford to stay elsewhere temporarily or stay with family or friends?

    Everything is so hard with covid. When are you due?

    #52996 Report

    Mum2b1g
    Participant

    Hi Estelle1987 it’s good to hear in a nice way I’m not alone as it’s just so frustrating and upsetting.   I feel like such an idiot as I just fall fir the lies constantly and then end up back in this situation.

    being the homeowner just seems to give him more ammunition to be horrible to me (he’s got such a bad credit rating he couldn’t ever go on the mortgage and mostly I pay the bills anyway)   But this seems to fuel his hatred towards me.  But because all bills are in my name it means I can’t afford to leave and yes we’ve spoken about it and he wants 50% of the equity out of the house it’s just a bit challenging raising that with a baby due in 10 days but I think I’d do anything now to not have to tolerate this for another day.

    it sounds positive your having counselling and as partners you should have equal access to your savings but I get it’s more difficult if iou have to ask to access it.  .  It’s awful feeling trapped and being pregnant makes it all so much worse.

    all I want is a simple life and for my kids to be happy.

    Michelle thanks for your email I really appreciate it

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