Moving on after 27 yrs

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  • #39546 Report

    Fluffybug2008
    Participant

    So newly joined, a little bit about me I had been with my ex for 27 years since I was 15 and have a 14 yr old daughter,3 weeks ago my ex suddenly announced he was leaving me after I found dirty messages on his phone from someone he had been messaging at work claimed at that point he that he hadn’t slept with her,I then told him to get out my house so he packed up and moved in with her(she recently split from her abusive ex and he has custody of there kid,strange I know)he now said last week that he thinks he loves her after being with he 2 weeks.

    I was a total mess a few weeks ago but I now realise I need to move on, but where do I start after that amount of time? How do you learn to become someone new after that amount of time? I recently started running again as it helps clear my head but apart from that I am kind of lost, loneliness at night time seems to be my downfall as I sit and think of the what ifs.

    sorry for the ramble.

    #39561 Report

    Sarah_w
    Participant

    That’s a long time. And from the time frames guessing you have never had to deal with a breakup before. My only advice is to talk to people, friends, relatives, councillor anyone. Don’t expect to be someone different you’re still you, just not us. It will take a long time for you to extract the bits of you that where part of ‘us’. Take your time don’t rush ask for help, maybe  put your family and friends on a rota to speak every evening, but sometimes that’s more lonely afterwards. Make a list of things you would like to do , maybe you could get your daughter to help. Sometimes our children can show us who we are, they know us really well.

    Sorry for the random thoughts but I really felt for you and wanted to reply. Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes

    you sound really strong you will get there just don’t expect it to be tomorrow

    #39574 Report

    Fluffybug2008
    Participant

    Thank you Sarah, I have got a councillor sorted for Monday morning. I think making a list is a good idea will try doing that with my daughter.

    I think I need to give myself a break, I am just so used to being the one that’s in control of my emotions not this blubbering mess, today has been a weepy day.

    #39980 Report

    ForestElf
    Participant

    Hi, I’m also in the midst of separating after 25 years.  We have two children together and I am a mess.   I don’t have any advice for you I’m afraid but I just wanted to let you know that your not alone.

    #39982 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    Its understandable the way you are feeling but I don’t think you’re anywhere near ready to move on yet. This has all happened very quickly and has obviously been a huge shock to you, you probably haven’t even processed all of your feelings yet. I understand you’re lonely and its difficult when your now ex has “moved on”so quickly. But I think maybe for the time being just focus on some self love – maybe after lockdown pick something you’ve always wanted to do but havent yet and just go for it. Just remember that your ex’s actions arent a refkection on yiu and dont signify that you failed in any way in the relationship. They show that he is the one who obviously needs to work on himself. The running is great it will help you feel good and you’re right its a great way to clear your head. Writing down your feelings can help as well as it gives you a chance to re-read and reflect on things and track how you’re doing so perhaps starting a journal if you dont already have one? Plus its a great way to vent all the feelings you have and words you might want to say. I hope this helps, stay safe

    #40033 Report

    Cara35
    Participant

    My partner has suddenly announced after 16years that he isn’t in love with me and feels like we are just a mummy and daddy to our little one (He’s 2) and grown to be best friends. I understand all your worries as I’ve not been on my own since I was 18. It’s so hard in isolation trying to be a strong parent when you are going through emotional turmoil.
    I’m myself really struggling to get through each day at the moment so if anyone would like to chat who’s in a similar situation I’m here.
    It’s a very lonely time for all at the moment

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