Moving kids schools after abusive relationship
12 December 2018 at 10:02 am #18562
Hi- I’m new here but I could really use someone’s advice or help.
I split from my kids Dad 2 years ago now and got into a relationship quite quickly. Left it 7 months before introducing him to my oldest who was 6 at the time. They got on really well. He even helped me to raise my youngest who was 5 months when me and her biological dad split.
He quickly became another ‘Daddy’ to her and she grew up with him for 2 years. My new partner didn’t get on with my family and there had been arguments as my mum didn’t trust him or like him. I ended up stopping speaking to my family for a while- me and my new partner were under a lot of stress and we fought a lot- sometimes he would get physical or throw things at the wall and once the neighbour called the police. The kids were never around when any of this happened. I would shout back and I felt so on edge around neighbours after they had heard all the noise. I had no family at this point and lost most of my friends- i felt so alone but thought I was being so strong telling my family to accept my new relationship as he had stepped up to raise my daughter and he was amazing with the kids and was so strong in character I just believed nearly everything he said, I was 24 with 2 kids and he was 30- when we were good it felt so good like nothing could touch us- so we decided to take the kids out of school and nursery and move down an hour away near where his family and daughter lived as we would get more support there. We got the kids settled into a new school and nursery and he tried to get a job but that only lasted a month and he got fired. My anxiety has sky rocketed as we were together in the house most days I was becoming very sad and depressed as things became clear that it wasn’t all working out as I thought it would. He would become increasingly jealous of my ex when I would message him about the kids, his temper would flare up over the slightest things, the kids could feel the tension in the house, he’d follow me nearly everywhere i went to watch what i was doing and see if he could catch me out doing things, would use my anxiety against me most days and say i was a horrible mum. Things slowly started going even more downhill from there. It got to where he had locked me in the house for the 5th or 6th time and was on one of his hour long rants- he had taken my phone off me so I climbed out of the living room window and ran to the neighbours to call the police- no children were in the house- my partner then decided to come out of the house and try to persuade the neighbour that I had trashed the whole house, was hurting my kids and that I’m so mentally ill I need sectioning. I managed to get the police round and he ran away somewhere- I told them about it all- they put an injunction against him. After they left I got messages and calls from his mum asking me to help him out as he has nowhere else to go- his ex would only let him stay at her house for 1 night. I ended up letting him back in stupidly as he came round saying he was ill and needed help. The next few days (which all happened last week) were filled with him crying, me crying, him telling me we were perfect together, me telling him I wanted out of the relationship and once he had enough money he needed to get his own place, he still didn’t have a job and kept borrowing off his mum. My son had come back from his dads the weekend before and thrown up in the car right near our house. He then said the next day that he had a bad tummy on the bus to school- i was horrified as it seemed to me that he might be getting tummy pains from anxiety even though he is so laid back and doesn’t let anything get to him this scared me as it might have been affecting him not just m4 anymore. My partner followed me again when i dropped my kids off with their dad and he popped up thinking I would be happy. He explained how he had watched me for a bit and then watched how my ex was with the kids etc and came to meet me at the train station. He kept saying how good we were together and I put it as plainly as i could and said this isn’t healthy- we both need help and I won’t let my kids go through any of this anymore. That night I told him he had to get out. There was a big argument with him threatening to get my kids taken off me, when I said I was ringing the policr again if he didn’t leave he shouted in the street that i needed to stop hitting my children. He then proceeded to keep his foot in the door way and ring for an ambulance- he said on the phone that i was mentally unstable and needed sectioning as he was worried what I would do next. When I started to beg him to stop he showed me the phone, sniggered and said “next time I will actually ring them if you don’t stop now let me in!’ I let him in as I was an emotional mess. I went back upstairs to my toddler in my bed and closed the door and hugged her- he came up, tried to get into bed with me and cuddle up to me- i went stiff and just wanted him to stop. I told him to leave me alone he didn’t and said it was his bed as well. The next day i took my son to school and my daughter to the doctors for a rash around her mouth which was eczema. He had followed us to the docs again. My daughter saw him creeping about through the window and shouted ‘daddy!’i turned around in time to see him move back into an alleyway. He came in after i told him to and when i said i wasn’t happy at all with him following me he started bad mouthing me semi loudly in the waiting area. He followed us to the chemist ourside and by this point i had a message from his mum telling me so stop blaming her son for all the issues and tjat she’s going to ring my family and tell them I’m not angel and exacrly what I’m like. I told my partner not to comenear me and he folloeed us to the chemist still- stopped and said in the street- leave us alone now! He turned round and said…you won’t have them kids for much longer if you’re not careful. He still carried on following us even on the bus and home. I put my daughter to bed and i went into my room and rang my mum. She answtrd and i wss crying down the phone sayjnf he was going to take my kids away and that he had been following me all day-she told me she was coming to get me. He got on the phone to my mum and tried to calmly explain that I was emotional and not thinking clearly- my mum was having non of it after how she knew his temper could get after their argument before we moved. I rang the police as he was still ranting and refusing to leave. He then shouted up the stairs that I had been beating my kids snd that I was unstable. He then left quixkly and the police came. They took notes etx and said I needed to leave the relationship- i told them I had been trying to do that but he wouldn’t let me. My mum turned up and we loaded all mine n the kids clothes into the car and woke my toddler up and went to pick my son up from school. we sat down with the head teacher who I had only sat down with 4 months prior when we first moved down there- and we told him the situation and that we needed to pull my son out of school as i would be movinf back an hour away to home to live with my mum. We got my son who i told him the school was closing early for xmas hols and we drove to my mums. I have put in place plans to get my 7 year old son back into his old school he was in before we moved. He says he liked the school he went to for 4 months as he had lots of friends. I am feeling terrible- i have ripped them both away from their school and nursery and I am having a really hard time with it all now I’m living at my mums.
He keeps emailing me about 15 times a day and has tried ringing me today. He says I have uprooted the kids for no reason and that i need to come home as it was just a bad time we were having and that once we both get help we will be perfect.
I am so at a loss how to handle all of this- feel just done to be honest.12 December 2018 at 12:10 pm #18566
Thank you Ajack1234. I appreciate you sharing your situation on the forum. I will shortly be sending you an email with sources of support that you can access.
GingerbreadJustine13 December 2018 at 12:43 pm #18584
I’m so sorry to hear your awful situation. You are so brave.
To make it easier for you, I am also going through a very similar situation as you. So similar it’s as though you have written the story for me.
There is help out there. Gingerbread will guide you. You are a strong person, keep strong.
Xx13 December 2018 at 1:17 pm #18585
Oh wow really?
I’m finding the guilt of moving my kids around many times a bit tricky also my head is a bit all over the place at the moment as I thought I had found ‘the one.’ Don’t think I will be able to trust men again for a long while.
Xx16 December 2018 at 11:31 pm #18699
I know it seems hard now and feels like the move could be making things harder for your kids. But you know deep down that you had to do this. You know his promises are all lies and that things would quickly spiral downwards if you went back and could even be worse than before as he would be trying to control you all the more. To kids, their friends at school are massively important but in the big picture you need to trust that in the end they will be Much happier and healthier away from your ex. They will adjust and hopefully soon you’ll start to see positive signs to help you know you did the right thing. Try to not read your ex’s texts or emails, maybe change your number, and don’t reply. Try to focus on looking after you and the kids and doing nice, normal things together. Living in peace without fear is Amazing!!