Moving in with partner – daughter issues

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  • #57886 Report


    Hi all,

    I have been in a relationship with my partner for a year, very quickly after leaving my ex-partner, due to being victim of domestic abuse.

    My current partner has 2 kids (son aged 7 and daughter aged 10) to her separated husband. Generally, things with my ex’s kids have been smooth, especially with her son. I met them in January 2021.

    Initially, her daughter was very reserved with me and, since, has been very friendly and we joke and banter a lot. However, at times she is rude to me, making comments such as ‘she despises me’ and ‘Hi Matt, bye Matt, die Matt’ and refusing to sit next to me. These are always said in a jovial tone and are addressed afterwards.

    Me and my partner made the decision to move in together recently. Generally, her daughter has been accepting of it. Recently, after my partner disciplined her daughter, she found a box with ‘things I hate’ written on and pieces of paper inside, stating she hated me, her brother and mum. Another note said, ‘Matt moving in so quickly’.

    This has caused me massive anxiety and I wonder if anyone has experienced the same and can give advice on how to address this. My overriding desire is to make the transition as nice as possible and ensure my stepkids are happy, whilst having a nice atmosphere in the house.

    Any advice would be great.

    #57894 Report


    Hi Matt,

    I think maybe you need to trust your feelings of anxiety and maybe take this as a sign to slow down.

    Solid & stable relationships take time to build, if you are in this for the long term…. Waiting another year or two won’t do any harm, it would only make you stronger.

    Why would you want to move somewhere where somebody didn’t want you there or was nervous/ afraid or just not ready…. It must be a lot of a child to process, let alone with all the stress of past two years.

    Maybe the prioritise the kids needs above your wants …. This is what family is after all!

    Sounds like maybe your partners child was alright with you being her parents partner…. But this doesn’t automatically mean you become a step parent & maybe needs that relationship to be built & earned… Not just imposed.

    Also as you mention dv & this all happening so fast… Maybe it’s worth taking time to make sure you’ve healed & not just trying to cover that experience with the next.

    Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but hope it helps.

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