Moving away

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #58349 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    Hello,

    If I moved to London with my child, how does it work with my ex and contact . I have family down there and want to move back there.

    #58350 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    Hello,

    I think that just depends on what you agree on with your ex. I don’t know what arrangements you currently have in place or how amicable your relationship is with your ex.

    In an ideal world you would both talk about contact arrangements together for when you move and agree on something but it’s hardly ever an ideal world.

    I don’t know how far away London is from where you are living now and to your ex but you may have to comprise a little and agree to meet halfway for when your ex wants to see your child.

    However I would play that card last and first see how he reacts to the moving to London idea.

    If you do decide to move I hope everything works out for you 😊, it’s always nice to be around a support network.

    #58351 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    I’m in the north east near Newcastle so a long way from London currently. We aren’t in the best situation at all . He was abusive and has violence and anger issues. He is taking me to court for 50:50 access when he already has him every week ( Wednesday night and Friday night plus Saturday day )

    #58352 Report

    Snare2013
    Participant

    Hi iv just joined I’m in a horrible situation to x

    #58354 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    Sorry to hear! I’m glad that you have managed to remove yourself from that relationship.

    I think now going by what you said, I personally would do what I can to move as far from him as possible. Your life can’t stop because of him given how much distress I can only imagine he has caused to you, I’m also a strong believer that if we as parents aren’t well physically and mentally that’s not good on our children.

    So if moving away will put you in a better place with the support from others in london then that could be really good for your child. So obviously there’s the matter of your ex partner and your child having a relationship with him.

    The only thing I can suggest is have someone else there or someone in the middle to communicate between yourself and your ex (just anything to avoid direct contact that could cause you distress) about your plans.

    If you are considering to move to london your current arrangements wouldn’t work, I think a weekend arrangement would suit better if you factor in travel time and distance.

    #58355 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    @snare2013 Hi! I’m sorry to hear you are going through a bad situation too, I’m sure you will find that this place is really good for support.

    I think it’s also worth calling Gingerbread when their lines are open to see what support they provide and sign posts to other trusted services.

    #58356 Report

    Snare2013
    Participant

    I’m new to this so don’t no how it works if I reply here or email xx

    #58357 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    New sites can be difficult to get used to so I understand haha! Just do what you feel comfortable with 😊

    #58358 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    If you don’t want to share anything here and fancy a chat, you are more than welcome to send me a private message.

    However saying that everyone here would be as supportive I’m sure if you chose to post 😊

    #58359 Report

    Snare2013
    Participant

    I’m 13 weeks pregnant and my partner has left me I already have 4 children I just wish he would come back it’s been a week since we split I have no support feel lonely x

    #58360 Report

    Forthebest
    Participant

    Can my ex stop me moving ?? What are the complications around this , I don’t mind him having contact but this is something he would need to come down the London for. Can I legally do this ?

    #58361 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    @Snare2013 I’m sorry he has done this to you, I think it’s completely normal to want what you have became very familiar to, to return back to normal.

    I think it’s good that you have found this platform and I don’t know if you have friends/family who you would feel comfortable sharing with what you are going through as that too can also help.

    Just take one day at a time and as I said reach out to people on this platform who have gone through similar things.


    @forthebest
    I honestly would not know your rights around all of this as I have no experience with formal contact arrangements and the law around it (maybe other parents would be more knowledgeable) but I can be certain the Gingerbread helpline would have experience in advising parents about these things.

    #58362 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    I wouldn’t see a reason why you moving not out of the country and still be willing to share contact would be “illegal”. As I said best to speak to Gingerbread!

    #58363 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Hey for the best,

    I think we discussed this quite a bit on your topic before?…. has he kicked off again?

    did yu manage to get through to the NDA Helpline at all? – they are quite busy atm & can take a few calls.

    To move back down to london via council will be a nightmare tbh, most councils are overwhelmed with the ever worsening housing crisis… but I do agree especially with what you said before, this might be the best form of escape & you will have an extra layer of support from family. he doesnt sound like he’d have the means to chase you down too??

    your best bet would be to see if you can come & stay with family for a short time, get a break. it’s difficult to think clearly with the crap he is putting you through. – from there the easiest route to housing would be if the family can help you secure a deposit with private rental & cover the rent with UC.

    – on adv. in london for emergency housing, its 1-2 years in emergency, 2-10+ in temp, most are getting discharged in temp & only given permanent when the council are taken to court.

    your other option is a refuge, which could be for the best, as you’d have wrap around support.

    #58364 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    you can move where ever you choose, although from what you’ve said, it might be healthier to give you & your child a break from his behaviour & maybe talk it out with the domestic violence pro’s about what the best options are for contact. i do appreciate you’d like to maintain this… but it might not be the safest thing in his current state & he likely needs time to sort himself out to a bit so he can be a better person for your son xx

    – don’t worry about the court at this moment. if you feel so threatened your thinking about leaving. safe space & professional support is no1… the rest will be much easier to manage & think about after. it’s natural to worry about all the little things and feel overwhelmed by it all. stress & trauma can build up like this & make it difficult to focus.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)

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