Mother told me baby would die if left with me

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    Ftmlondon
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    Due to ill health and not being able to afford childcare I ended up moving back in with my parents. I grew up with emotionally abusive parents and I twice tried to end my life as a teenager. I’ve attempted to talk about this with my parents, but they both deny anything happened and say I’m just over sensitive or it’s in my head. Anyway, my husband left when I was one month pregnant and cut off all contact. I ended up with severe preeclampsia and spent two months in hospital, having to deliver my daughter early and she spent some time in NICU. I was alone throughout all of this and spent the first four months of my daughter’s life looking after a sick baby alone, whilst also being unwell myself. So when my parents offered that I move in with them so they can babysit while I recover and get back to work it seemed perfect. They didn’t initially play a part in looking after my daughter as she had health issues and was too difficult for them. But as she got older and got better, I went back to work, they started babysitting. Then started the comments that I’m a terrible mother- she uses those words – and that I’m always doing everything wrong, how awful I look, my tummy looks like it’s going to explode. They also keep my wedding photos on the mantle piece and even had one enlarged, though they know my husband left. Then as time went on somehow now it feels as though my daughter doesn’t even belong to me. It initially started off as ‘don’t worry, you rest and get better, and I’ll feed/bathe/change her.’ But now they are her parents and I’m the one asking permission to be with her. The worst thing is that they actually do a very good job of looking after her and I really am dependent on them. I can’t afford childcare or to move out now with the divorce. However a couple of days ago my father, who is short tempered, kicked me out. I asked my mother to borrow a suitcase as I planned to go to a hotel. My mother told to stop lying about my father. However, he did also kick me out when I was 17 and my mother did nothing to help me stay. She denies this ever happened. I was in my final year at school and in all this mess I ended up missing my exams because I was desperately trying to find somewhere to stay. My school intervened and after a couple of months of staying with a friend, my dad let me back after I had missed my exams and wasted everything. So yesterday I packed some things in a rucksack and picked my daughter up to go to the hotel. Then my mother grabbed me, shouting over and over again that my daughter would die if she went with me, that my daughter had no hope of surviving with me. Over and over again. She was pulling my arms apart away from my daughter and I would have dropped her, so I gave her to my mother. I know my parents aren’t kind people, but to repeatedly hear those words, that my daughter will die if I keep her. I can’t take it. My daughter is all I have in the world, my daughter is what I live for. And those nights we spent apart while she was in NICU with her tiny body hooked up to machines was unbearable. I don’t know what to do. I can’t move out and haven’t no friends to stay with.

    #40873 Report

    Hi ftmlondon

    Thank you for posting on our forum.  I will be sending you a private message with some signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

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