Missing my daughter when she isn't here

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  • #8893 Report

    AJ
    Participant

    Hi

    i’m having a bit of a moment and need someone to tell me that this gets easier….

    My husband walked out in October and moved straight in with the mother of some of my daughter’s school friends. We had been married 10 years and have a 7 year old daughter. We had a really tough few years as our daughter was an IVF baby and then had a series of life threatening health problems. All our energy went into caring for our daughter through cancer treatment and our relationship fell apart. It still wasn’t expecting this though and my husband’s attitude towards me has been atrocious ever since. He is making life difficult at every turn  – cutting maintenance without telling me, refusing to look after our daughter while I work, demanding that he sees her when it suits him, not turning up for mediation, telling our daughter she has to write a Mother’s Day card for his new partner, insisting that his new partner goes to our daughter’s parents evening and not me etc etc. We are now at risk of losing our home because of his behaviour and because he is now financing his new partner’s 5 kids. Through all this, I’m trying to be positive about him in front of my daughter and let her stay at his new home for a 1 or 2 nights a week. She has fun there despite my misgivings.

    My major problems is at the moment that I miss her so badly when she is there. I fought for her for so long, to have her in the first place and to keep her alive when we thought we would lose her and being apart from her over night is physically painful…. I’m trying to keep busy and am having counselling but I need someone to tell me that there is an end to this pain. I just want to cling on to her and keep her away from this man who doesn’t deserve her. Will it ever get any easier?

    #8907 Report

    Sparkie
    Participant

    Hi AJ

    Yes it will get better but the short term sucks unbelievably bad. My daughters dad leaving was one thing, him trying to take her from me (as that’s how it felt)  was horrendous, even if it was only a couple of nights in the beginning, we’re down to one night now. Keeping busy helps a bit, I started yoga more to help switch my mind off, took a while for that to work but going out for a class was a good thing. Walking round the racecourse is another good one for me, basically anything where I didn’t have to stay in and resent the house for being quiet.

    There are lots of things I want to say about what your ex is doing but none are polite 😡 We have a few similarities so I know where you’re coming from, keep talking and the counselling will help too. Just don’t be forced to do things at anyone else’s pace but yours, only you know what you’re ready for xx

    #8953 Report

    kentmale72
    Participant

    That sounds horrendous what you have had to go through, My wife passed away so I’m in a different situation but I could never imagine me doing All them things like your ex has, it seems he s using his daughter to punish you, people should put what’s best for the child first.  Sorry you are going through this.  But like AJ says keeping busy is great especially exercise.

    Paul.

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