Messy

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  • #12904 Report

    LLCoolDL
    Participant

    So my wife announced she was thinking of divorcing me, we then went on holiday the next week, she kept saying this all just feels normal, like it was a good thing. The next week I got served asking me to leave the property based on domestic abuse and with threat of a molestation order.

     

    We have three children, two (both girls) are biologically hers from a previous relationship but I’ve lived with them the past 10 years and they are 13 & 15. They’ve been in my life for 12 years. Looking back we have so many happy memories, holidays etc.

    She’s confiding in the girls and turning them against me, shes accused me of so many things that aren’t true and makes a point of telling the girls I’ve done these things.

    I’m at a loss as to know what to do. The eldest won’t acknowledge I exist and the younger one is slowly turning against me.

    We currently all still live together as my wife refuses to leave and says that I should. My solicitor has told me to stay put. Sunday night she accused me of having a girlfriend and has told the girls I’m an adulterer which simply isn’t true.

    The kids should not be involved in this, I don’t know what to do for the best.

    #12908 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Your solicitor is probably not best placed for emotional advice. They will be protecting your money issues. Technically what you claim your ex is doing is unverifiable and the children’s age means they can make their own decisions. Is there any third party involvement in domestic abuse, etc? If the accusations are entirely baseless, you could speak to your solicitor about serving a warning of libel/slander. That is not going to help your home situation, though. If you are all living together it might be best to arrange a neutral (as possible) house-meeting where you can all air your suspicions/grievances, and decide as a family what you all think would be best to do. Clearly you can’t go living together as you are.

    Support with any parenting problem: Family Lives 9am-9pm weekdays, 10am-3pm weekends FREE helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk

    Families Need Fathers: https://fnf.org.uk/

    Separation disputes: http://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk

    All the best.

    #12910 Report

    LLCoolDL
    Participant

    So your suggestion at this stage is that I let my soon to be ex-wife’s daughters who she has been poisoning against me for the past 8 weeks make a decision about my future?

    #13117 Report

    Mike_71
    Participant

    Sorry to hear of your circumstances. I don’t accept that you should simply walk away from children you’ve brought up as your own.

    What your wife is doing, however, is not unusual.  It is often the case that they poison children against the father. I suggest you research emotional parentification – it is child abuse and if you can collect evidence (don’t ask me how!) you may stand a chance in court of getting residence (custody).

    Strategically it would also be to your advantage to collect (now, not later) documentation to defend against potential DV charges in court – letters from neighbours, friends etc., that attest to your good character would be great.

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