Messy separation, courts & Cafcass, how do I ask for CM?!

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Messy separation, courts & Cafcass, how do I ask for CM?!

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
  • #27892 Report


    Hi guys, I’m new on here and I would just like to hear some opinions of whether I’m in my rights to request CM from my ex.

    My daughter is 12 years old now, she ran away from her mum’s house in March due to neglect and refused to go back.  Fortunately, she ran to my mum’s home and my girlfriend and I took her home with us.

    We were living in shared accommodation at the time with two friends of ours and my daughter was able to have her own room (as we rented two rooms).

    My daughter was refusing to speak or text with her mum, after a huge row where she had tried barracading my daughter in the house and screamed that she would never see me again.

    My daughter’s clothes were always dirty, she smoked in the house, had become a very heavy drinker and when we were together, she was an abusive drunk toward me.  My daughter told us how she drank every night and fed her on reheated take away kebab meat from the night before.  My daughter two nights previous had called us at 10:30pm and sobbed herself to sleep, we were looking at getting her out of there already.

    I was building communication between the two of them and respecting my daughter’s wishes to live with us.  I involved the council, MASH, the school etc and found us a private house to move into all in three days.

    My Ex took me to court on March 26th, saying I had kidnapped my child, that I was moving and wouldn’t tell her where, that I was a mentally abusive toward my daughter and that I was too her, and that I was not fit too look after my child due to working.


    Anyway…  CAFCASS are currently doing a Section 7 report, mainly based around her drinking and my daughter’s happiness.  My daughter has resided with us since 14th March 2019 and wants too for the future.

    When she first came to us, my ex was not working, so I said “due to you not working, I will not ask for maintenance”.  However, she has now been in at least part time employment for the last three months and claims to still be in poverty.

    She sees her daughter once a week for an hour or two, except last weekend she had her all day.               All her visits have to be in the community as my daughter is not allowed to her house, at least until we go back to court in September.

    I used to pay my ex £150pcm plus buy clothes and shoes to remain at ours for when she’s with us.

    We have paid for the recent school trip, new wardrobe, birthday party etc etc etc……..

    I feel it’s time that I requested at least some contribution toward the upkeep of my daughter from her, but I’m scared of tipping the apple cart and the abuse I’ll get..                        She hates my partner, says she doesn’t want her parenting my daughter, but is happy for her to pay towards her upkeep.

    I hate confrontation and I know that she won’t openly pay the correct amount.  Should I speak to her, then CMS, or wait till we are back in court and raise the issue if she still pleads poverty?

    #27909 Report


    I’m claiming child benefit, I am not eligible for Tax Credits as my girlfriend and I both work full time.

    I worried that by going direct to CMS, I haven’t given her the opportunity to have a private arrangement?

    We’re back in court in September.  She has a solicitor and I’m self representing.

    #27988 Report

    Hi Smuggler

    Thanks for commenting here.  This sounds like a complex situation and it would be advisable to get some professional advise.  I recommend that you call our single parent helpline.  We have a team of advisers that will be able to help you explore your options.

    • Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

    Hope that helps, Justine


    #27989 Report


    Hi, I am new on here as from today and on reading your situation I am in much the same boat albeit with 2 kids 10 and 8.  I had the same concerns as you but going via CMS will take out some of the confrontation as once an amount is agreed it can be a direct payment to you and you can take this further if payments are note paid, then they would take direct from salary.

    I have gone down this route and as long as we get payments on time and agreed then nothing further is needed.

    Do give them a call as very helpful… better than waiting as holidays and kids are not cheap and all helps to provide the best you can for them.

    I am waiting for my hearing date to start the process your in, as Child Protection plan in place and now in Temp housing as they don’t want to be with mother due to DV for years against us.

    Hope it works out!

    #28880 Report


    Don’t, they are liers

    they work on a historic tax year?(that is breaking the law of the land)

    they cherry pick a year when your earnings are higher(it has to be on real time earnings)

    they put the phone down on you

    they argue down the phone

    the mistakes they make are just amazing

    arrears well they pluck them out of thin air!

    from at least four different people whome I know who have gone through the csa, the cms is 100 times worse! (Csa did not make up arrears or charge for click and collect)

    two years of direct pay, threaten to switch to direct pay, more money for cms, added on the fictitious arrears, so you’ll end up constantly trying to chase your tail like a dog with rabies.

    and then at the end of it they’ll still ask for more!..

    So they will take up to 40% of your hard earned wage, BEFORE tax and national insurance!…

    cms cannot give a break down or how they came up with the arrears

    this does not equate to 12% of your wage!….

    this corruption needs to be addressed and the public should know the truth, but the media is bannned from exposing these monsters by the government!…

    #28885 Report


    I would like to thank you all for your kind words and advice.

    I have contacted the CMS and they have put a claim in place via direct pay with no costs to CMS.

    Due to previous abuse in the relationship, they did not request a fee either.

    I’m sorry some of you have had a poor experience with CMS as a paying parent, but as a receiving parent in a violent and manipulated position, I felt this was the best step forward.


    Many thanks again

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register