Mega weepy day

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  • #16157 Report

    Nicolemotherof2
    Participant

    Hi all,

    It’s coming up to a year since my husband asked for a divorce and 9 months since he moved out.  After the initial trauma I was getting on ok. Kids are happy, carrying on with a new normal life and doing really well at school. He sees them regularly and pays maintenance. It’s been hard but we were all getting there and I’ve made more friends in the last 6 months than I have in the last 6 years. However, with no warning I’ve been blindsided by emotion and the last couple of days I cannot stop crying and I feel the same heavy grief that I did in the beginning.

    Is this normal? Has anyone else been getting on ok and then failing miserably even after so long?

    I don’t love him anymore and I don’t want him back but I just feel so incredibly sad. I’m used to him being horrible and selfish but when discussing plans for Christmas he was so nice and considerate and thoughtful that it has broken me and I feel such a sense of loss.

    It was so hard in the beginning I don’t want to go back there.

    Nicole

     

     

     

    #16161 Report

    JJ8989
    Participant

    Hi Nicole,

     

    I still get side swiped with sadness and a sense of loss and today was one of them days. We formally ended the relationship a year ago but it was over months before really.

     

    I do get longer and more frequent periods of being better but I know what you mean about worrying if the hardness of those early days will come back. I will say that although I have felt a similar intensity of emotion at times it does last as long.

    I think these dips (not failings) are part of the grieving process and each time it happens is one less time it will happen again.

     

    Maybe feeling on your guard with him being ‘horrible and selfish’ has helped you move on emotionally and being glad it’s over so seeing him being considerate has thrown you off and let some of the loss seep through. Even when you know you don’t want to get back with the other person doesn’t mean you can’t feel sad at times, maybe you are sad that you really don’t want him back and you didn’t ever expect to feel that way about him?

     

    Tomorrow’s another day and if you were on an even keel before you will get back into one again, soon.

     

    Best wishes

    #16210 Report

    Nikki79
    Participant

    Hi

    Didn’t want to read and run! It sounds like you are doing a great job at moving on with your life during this difficult time, you’ve made new friends and your kids are happy, think of those as achievements! You are not alone in feeling like this.

    They say there are 7 stages to grief during a separation and divorce –

    Denial

    Pain & Fear

    Anger

    Bargaining

    Guilt

    Depression

    Acceptance

    I’m 6 months in to a separation, my husband decided after just over 3 months after he left he wanted  a divorce. I think I have been through all of the above more than once already!! And I don’t doubt that I will again while we are sorting out the house, finances, childcare etc. Like your’s mine is being very ‘nice’ and trying to keep things amicable, but I’ve seen his true colours so very much have my guard up. I know now there is no going back, and I wouldn’t want too.

    However, it is my wedding anniversary today, and I feel very mixed emotions, a part of me feels sad, another part feels angry, another part of me feels like a failure, but what i’m most surprised about is that another part of me knows i’m going to be OK.

    Some days are good and some days are bad. I’ll turn 40 next year so i’m looking toward that to be my goal of ‘life begins’ if I haven’t already started it.

    Always here to chat 🙂

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Nikki79.
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