3 January 2018 at 4:52 pm #6551
Hi, Just wondered what peoples experience of mediation has been?
I’ve a very complicated situation with my very resistant,manipulative and difficult ex wife who I have been separated from for nearly two years, her choice.
We have a joint mortgage and a joint account we both still use for the childrens expenses, I have started the process as although she separated from me she repeatedly blocks any move to divorce even though she and I have new partners. Now she is refusing to pay for mediation saying she can’t afford it (despite booking two holidays before easter) and my only way to prevent using solicitors which will cripple us both is to pay for her side of that too. I have said I will recoup the fees when the house is sold (neither of us are living there) but i doubt this will happen.
Am i wasting my time and money and should I go to see a solicitor or is it worth giving it a chance and writing off the mediation fees as saving me lots in the long term? I know every case is different and it’s hard to go into too much detail on a forum but I wanted to get some experiences from other people in similar situations to see if it’s worth starting.
Thanks for your input.4 January 2018 at 9:43 am #6566
Having gone through mediation myself I would say no, do not pay for your ex partners mediation sessions. I actually think if you spoke to a mediation company they potentially may have rules on this already. Legal aid is available for those unable to afford the sessions. Your payment shows a willingness and commitment to engage. Personally after almost 2 years I’m looking for financial dis-association from my ex partner, he max’d the overdraft £500 which I had to pay back prior to closing our joint account. We currently have a joint mortgage (I occupy property under an occupation order via court), the property is currently for sale (my choice) so I can cut all financial ties, and start a fresh. He’s shocking with money, hence I have no expectation for maintenance despite him earning £30,000 per annum, I stand on my own 2 feet. I have peace of mind, and he no longer dictates my life. However, you could set up a maintenance plan with your ex. Guidance of amounts is available through government websites. Mediation is preferable to court, due to efficacy and cost. Just call them for advice, they’re usually pretty good and have come every situation before. Goodluck4 January 2018 at 10:06 am #6568
Thankyou, everything is screaming at me to not pay for it but my alternative is the courts which I’m desperate to avoid.
What was your experience of the mediation itself? Were they helpful in resolving differences? We are poles apart in many things and part of me thinks the mediators aren’t going to be able to resolve our issues.4 January 2018 at 10:49 am #6569
I was of the same mind set regarding mediation before I went, and certainly it didn’t resolve all of our issues but it allowed us to move forward in our own ways. I don’t think my ex got what he expected, and at the moment he’s not responsed to further invitations to re-attend but if we head back to court in the future after the sale of the house (re equity), then the mediation report will state he’s unable/unwilling to mediate further and demonstrate his reluctance to engage. This could only support my case. I would rather resolve this outside court due to the associated cost. The problem with solicitors/court, I was also granted an 100mtr civil injunction so he’s no longer permitted around our home, though this is only enforceable through the courts, not under criminal law (by the police) so it will cost me to reattend court if I wish to enforce it 😤 It’s just a bit of a farce, definitely try getting the mediation company to invite your ex partner and see what her response is.