mediation threat passed, just an excuse for emotional abuse??

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  • #36102 Report

    Freda567
    Participant

    so the Christmas threat of “mediation” has passed…. I thought it would! Just an excuse to rattle me.

    im not sure if this is “and asking for advice post?” Or just a rant?!

    id ignored the messages during Christmas as I thought he’s just trying to get to me! I was right (I think) almost a month later I get a song sent to me “bottle to the bottom! Kriss krissofferson!” I ignored it for days then I was like, hang on a minute!! “Your living life like you wanted to!” I’m not!! No regrets, but being badgered by the non existent parent, when you’re working part time and balancing work, home life and a non existent social life is pretty annoying! If not offensive! So I replied that line and “stop messaging me”!
    then I received a message saying “let me see me child!” Didn’t reply because after 18 months of forcing him to be a dad, 10 months of gifts and bullshit messages being passed on, still no phone call to mediation…. countless times being told she’ll see me when she’s older, I told him to contact mediation! 10-11 months on no letter?

    Then a threatening message, which took me back! Didn’t shower as I wouldn’t hear the knock at the door, took the dog to bed so he didn’t get hurt if her were to turn up!! Bonkers!
    then a message harping on how skint he is, cause of his mental health? ummm, you were going to spend close to £1000 on a motorbike and helmet less than a month ago!!

    then a message of a hand drawn picture of him and his daughter 18months ago!

    blocked! See ya…. although it’s not, his mum will now relay messages! I’ll have to put my foot down.

    Jesus! I’m lost?? I was close to contacting mediation myself to put an end to this unbelievable delusion he’s in! But that photo of the hand drawing, makes me think it’s what he wants? I will request safe, secure contact between him and our daughter…. which will make him look like he’s so battered and broken by a single mum! Not letting him see her!! When in actually fact he left me pregnant twice! Came back for oooo 2 weeks! I did everything possible, forgoing abuse so he had a relationship with his daughter and when I was broken, bent and completely done all I requested was mediation 18 months in! Back in April (without taking stock of the situation and his behaviour) I’d of agreed to access at his mums 3 days  a week! Scares me now! I’m settled and strong willed, clear headed! that I’d of even considered putting my daughter in a position that could have damaged her!?

     

    #36156 Report

    Hi Freda567

    Thank you for posting.  You can always contact the National Domestic Violence helpline.  They should be able to offer tips and suggestions around how you manage your situation.  Good luck and I wish you all the best, Justine

    • National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to historic abuse  Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

    #36242 Report

    Jadieeeejaz
    Participant

    Sounds similar to my situation just not as much time has passed, my ex won’t initiate mediation so he’s leaving me no choice to go that route as I’m sick to death of the sh*t and abuse Drains the hell out of me.. Forcing someone to put their kids 1st… Draining but yet my kids 12,10 think the sun shine out of his pooper…

    #37228 Report

    Freda567
    Participant

    It’s such a difficult one Jadieeeejaz!

    the Monday after I posted my angry post and blocked an deleted him, he stopped his maintenance payments! His last ditch attempt control. I called the domestic abuse helpline for advice and I decided after talking to them, I’m completely done, the stress of him lurking in the background and showing absolutely no willing to be a father, is on him.
    It did come up in conversation with his mum and I was told she’d give me cash when he can afford to let me have any! . I’ve asked her to put it somewhere safe and let me have it twice a year, as her time with her grandchild should be about her and my daughter not overshadowed by someone that really can’t be bothered.

    The thing Ive told myself over the last 5 weeks is, as a parent doing double the emotional, financial and every other emotion that goes with parenting….. I have more strength, grit and determination to raise my child in a loving, Caring environment,  in my little finger than he has in his whole body! And I and others are doing a great job!
    Letting go of the anger is difficult, but being angry and annoyed over a situation that is never going to change isn’t helping me. I have decided I won’t let it define me and my child will appreciate everything I do and will do for her in the future.

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