Massive guilt for deciding to separate

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  • #63443 Report

    Newmama
    Participant

    I have a 20 month old and after every time he sees his dad at weekends I have a horrendous week dealing with the tantrums, crying spells, sleepless nights waking up crying, irritability etc of which he doesn’t want me to comfort him and hits me because he’s frustrated. To get to Friday where his has finally settled for it to start over again on Saturday. I am finding it hard as I believe this is my fault for separating and I can’t explain to him as he’s regressed/ behind on milestones which I believe is because of the separation. I can’t help but let him hit me and cry as he’s hurting..

    #63474 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi Newmama, I’ve moved your post up so other people see it. Meanwhile, please look out for a private message from me with some ideas for support. Best wishes.

    #63496 Report

    Screwed21
    Participant

    Id sugest speaking to dad about keeping to a routine and beeing on the same page with disapline as sounds like dad is beeing very soft with him when he has him and has no routine, throwing little one off the routine you may have.

     

    If its a recent change maybe sugest he comes to yours to spend time with him to keep him in a familiar enviroment then build up over time little one going to his place.

    #63523 Report

    red23
    Participant

    I can’t say much about the broader issue, but teaching a toddler that it’s OK to hit you (because you feel you deserve it…) sounds really wrong. Patterns of behaviour he learns with you, he will carry forward to how he treats other people in his life. Please teach him a different way- if not for your own sake, for others’.

    Are you clear as to why he is so unsettled? Could it relate to things like food, sleep, warmth, hydration? My youngest used to act so odd (bad behaviour, but also out of character) each time he came back from his dad. There were a lot of factors to do with feelings, but also I was shocked to find out a few months in that his dad would give him 2 pints of coke and a chocolate cake each time they met ‘for dinner’, instead of an actual meal. Addressing that helped quite a lot with my son’s mood…!

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

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