Marriage before kids was my goal

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  • #64633 Report

    Bellen
    Participant

    Hello… I would love to hear from single parents as I don’t know many. I’m 29 and recently found out I was pregnant. It was very shocking to me because I was diagnosed with a medical condition and Doctors told me it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant, regardless a very determined sperm found its way to my egg after a night of PROTECTED intercourse. After the initial disbelief, confusion and shock I told the dad who I was in a new relationship with. He initially comforted me but the next day sent me a long message containing lots of nasty things about the unborn child, then blocked me everywhere. My heart sunk, I could understand that he may have been in shock but I am also not the type of person to stop anyone who wants to walk out of my life- so we haven’t spoken since. After a lot of thought, I am proceeding with the pregnancy alone, a termination is not option for me.

    I have always prioritised marriage before kids, in the same way some women prioritise a career, then family. I have always wanted to experience true love. I grew up with parents who adored each other and I have an incredible dad. It saddens me that my future child will not have a dad and may possibly feel unwanted by the biological dad. In addition I worry that by choosing the child I am giving up my chance at romantic love and marriage. It is no secret that men prefer women without children. Most of my friends are married and just starting their families. Whilst I am so happy for them, I can’t help but feel that my life is over. Please excuse me if I sound naive, this will be my first child and I don’t know any single mothers on a personal level so I have no idea what is in store for me. I should probably avoid them but the internet is full of opinions about ‘why you should never date a single mother’, this has frightened me so much to the point of feeling like giving my child for adoption. I have been single 10 years (even without a child) so I dread to think of what the next 10 will be. I want to be married to my soulmate but I don’t want people to write me off thinking I am just looking for a stepfather.

    Do you have advice for this hopeless romantic?

    I would love to hear the truth about what it is like in the dating world for single mothers, conversations about marriage, your romantic goals etc. Please help!

     

    #64640 Report

    Clausen
    Participant

    Hello Bellen,

    I thought I would message to let you know there is hope.

    My experiences are different as my child’s dad left us when they were eleven. A few years later, I have met someone else. I told them about my child from the beginning and it didn’t faze them at all.

    There are decent men out there.

    #64735 Report

    Anon321
    Participant

    Marriage isn’t everything. I was married and our baby was planned. My ex husband left me when our baby was 3 weeks old. Child is now 2 years old. I am yet to meet anyone else just yet. But I couldn’t read this message and not reply. You are not on your own and being married doesn’t add the security you think it would. It’s taken me a long time to accept that my life hasn’t turned out how I had planned, but I wouldn’t swap my child for the world. Anyone I meet in the future has to understand that I come with a package, if they can’t accept that then they are not worth bothering with in my eyes. xxx

    #65235 Report

    Elise2022
    Participant

    Hi!
    I’m so glad I found your post. I am in the exact same situation as you. I have recently found out I am pregnant, after being told it would be difficult for me to have children. I’m 26 and had been with my ex partner for 3/4 months when I fell pregnant. He instantly told me he would not continue the relationship unless I had an abortion. I tried to explain the issues I had with fertility but he very much disagreed with me. He’s said he’s going to find it very hard to walk away from me as we both do get on great and we’ were having a good relationship prior to this. I am of course worried about my own romantic future but I also fully believed I would struggle to conceive and end up without children in the future. This little one is a gift and my family are very supportive and I am very grateful that I have a good circle around me. I hope you are not struggling too much x

    #65244 Report

    FurBag36
    Participant

    Bellen and Elise2022

    Let me tell you right now that you will have the strength, love and determination to raise your baby.

    I was with my ex and we planned our baby. However, upon him realising it would mean certain changes to accommodate a baby, he didn’t want to know. He told me, “I WANT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO AND WHEN I WANT TO DO IT”.

    So I told him to piss off and go do what he wants to do. He rarely has her as she is an inconvenience to his life!

    I found myself a single mum with a baby who was barely six months because he decided it was too much!

    I have cried my heart out so many times. I have fallen apart, questioned if I can do it alone, I wonder if she’d be better off without me and all sorts.

    But let me tell you ladies, you will be the best thing in that baby’s life. I promise you. You will do it.

    Yes there are sacrifices and allowances you have to make but you’ll do it.

    Do you have a good support network in terms of your parents, family and friends? Sounds like you do Elise.

    I know you will but don’t worry about those pigs! You do not need a human being who could behave like that.

    I thought I had everything planned and I wanted love and marriage too. However my goal now is raising my daughter.

    I understand what you mean about men avoiding us as we have “baggage”. It is disheartening but if it’s meant to be for you then it’ll be.

    First and foremost hun, focus on you and your growing little baby. My daughter will be two next month and my gosh, savour every moment, every day! They grow so quick.

    You both have a beautiful journey ahead of you! Love to you both and please please do message me if you need an ear ok.

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