Manipulation with the kids

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  • #48073 Report

    Mumoftwo123
    Participant

    me again.

     

    After not seeing the kids for two weeks, ex decided he wanted them for two nights. This was after a very long talk between us, during which he said he is absolutely not over me. He cannot believe I don’t want him anymore. He cannot see how his behaviour was so bad that I’d prefer to be alone. He’s heartbroken. He’s also met another woman. Who he’s admitted doesn’t mean anything yet but his good judge of character means he knows shes decent. (We split in Nov, he found her on tinder on Dec 15th he says)

     

    So… He’s got the kids today. And he rings me after a few hours and says he’s struggling. Not physically, but mentally. He cannot be alone and needs support. He wants me to go there. I cannot go there because ‘there’ is our old family home and I read it will confuse the kids, they won’t understand why mummy is there but not staying, sleeping, doing bedtime etc. Do I say no. He says he wants me to be around him. I say no. He then says….. That if I do not go there, he will be backed into a corner and have to seek support from her. I asked him not to, he has not had time with the kids for two weeks. They need their dad time. Just them.

     

    He rings back after a while and tried again. Begs me to try our relationship again. Get counseling. He loves me. Do I really want another woman to be given ‘my ring’ (he never proposed to me but apparently had planned to – he’s said this multiple times over the years). And if I don’t want him, fine, he’ll love on TOMORROW by introducing HIS NEW FAMILY.

     

    I feel physically sick for my kids. How confusing for them that this new woman and her kid may be in our family home. I know I cannot stop him, so I need to know how to support my kids if this actually happens. They’re 7+4. I’ve bought a diary for each of them. And I’m going to suggest we talk about their feelings at the end of each day, and I will give them time, with or without me, to write or draw in their diaries about how they feel. I know the 4 year old can’t but I can’t exclude him x

    #48089 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    yes it seems like emotional blackmail/manipulation. it is not unusual for an ex to find a new partner and move them in. just have to have a smooth transition, so the kids are not badly affected.

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