i am looking for some advice, my wife left me for another guy after 12 years of marriage. She has left me 4 times in the past x2 affairs. Everyone thinks I was crazy taking her back after the first affair but I did it mainly for my kid at the time. Since the last affair we had another child and she left me a year and half after he was born for the 2nd affair guy. I have always stuck to my vows and have never been with anyone else.
My eldest has told me that he gets told off for not calling the new guy dad. My main concern is that they have only been together a month and from her past record of leaving and affairs it’s more than likely she will leave this guy at some stage. The new guy just seems as bad as she is and purposely calls him son in front of me.
Accepting reality as it is, is a sign of maturity. It doesn’t really matter, what he calls him. The question is, what matters more, the fact that you are his father or what he calls the other guy. For him it is important to know who his dad is, and you should make sure he feels comfortable. I know, we have not much power and my ex is also on her third guy now, who thinks he needs to change how our son behaves and who and what he is. I just go with the flow and try not to get involved too much. Over time, her behaviour has driven our son to spend most of his time with me, and we are just in the stage of restricting her access to him even more. School is very supportive and even cafcass is taking a very good view in these things. My path of action has always been, I know what reality is. There are some things you can’t change, and they are not worth fighting against. If they make your son feel uncomfortable, give him space to feel comfortable. If someone is as intrusive and manipulative as your ex ( and my ) is, you need to restrict their access to the child. That is your only option, and in the meantime you have to take the guilt off your child and make life for him as easy as you possibly can.
I agree with the great advice of the previous commenter. As strange as their behaviour is, there’s not much you can do about it. I doubt saying something to them will change anything. Just be the loving, stable, supportive parent as much as you can. Try to not get dragged into all the mind games. Your children will probably gravitate towards you more in time because you’ll be their stability. You sound like a decent man, hopefully you’ll meet someone who treats you better one day. Until then, enjoy your children, create a good home for them and be a great dad.
My main problem with it, has nothing to do with the fact he’s calling him dad.
My problem was it had only been a month with the new guy, my ex had moved back into her mums and the new guy moved in with her there and my son told be he was being forced to call him dad or he was getting told off.
It was totally crazy as the relationship was so new.
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