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    Hi all,

    I am looking for some advice on maintenance please. The situation is ongoing and not straight forward. My ex and I separated nearly 9 years ago and he has always paid maintenance but really hates doing so. He pays me direct into my bank account but refuses to tell me what he earns and says he pays the correct amount and that I should accept this. In terms of getting on, we are at the point where we get along well regarding the children, I buy his daughter with his partner a birthday present and he gave my little boy from a new relationship a Xmas card etc so he was treated like the children we share together. Now this is where it becomes complicated… I REALLY do not want to upset the apple cart so to speak but basically maintenance payments have remained the same since 2011. He has moved up the career ladder a good few steps and only one of our 3 children stays overnight at his so things have changed considerably. He pays based on his 2011 wag for 3 children who all stay overnight every other weekend. But that really isn’t the case! He won’t buy shoes, coats, uniforms, contribute to expensive school trips. All three children have expensive school trips this year and in all honesty, while I don’t want them to miss out, financially it is becoming a huge strain. I am grateful that he takes an interest in our children, comes to parents evenings etc but I just feel financially he isn’t pulling his weight. I am not asking for a penny more than the children are entitled to but would like them to receive the correct amount. The children never ask him for anything because he tells them it’s my job to buy for them. He doesn’t take them on holiday because he pays his maintenence so it is my responsibility. I have never said anything to the children about this, we take them away every year to somewhere in the UK and have a lovely time but the children are starting to question why he always goes to exotic places and we go to Devon, dorset, Cornwall, west Wales etc. I have explained to them that this country is beautiful and we are very lucky to have a holiday at all.

    Any advice please?

    I feel if I go wading in with the cms, it will undo all the good work that has gone on to make things so amicable to date but also feel my children are probably being short changed 😬

    Many thanks x

    #36541 Report


    I should probably add that I do not receive any spousal allowance (I opted not to) and also refused to receive any percentage of his pension. When we separated, I probably could’ve received both but said at the time, I will look after myself. All I wanted was for the children to be OK financially. Basically, I didn’t want him to feel bitter towards me which would result in him being mean with providing for the children. Just wanted to add that because when I have  discussed this with others I’ve been shot down and told that I’ve probably financially raped him with spousal  allowance etc so it’s no wonder he hates paying for the children. I’ve also been told I should just be grateful he pays at all and to put up and shut up but the way I see it is that he is equally responsible for them. Am I wrong?

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