Maintenance chat with ex

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    zebra1983
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    Hi all, after some advice on how best to approach this.

     

    My baby is now two weeks old. My OH and I split during pregnancy – because I decided to keep the baby against his wishes. He told me he’d support me and we could do this, and tried to make it work for 5 months. His dependencies, depression and general lack of care deepened in that time and I ended up leaving and taking up residency in my dad’s spare room.

     

    He was there for the birth, and the week we stayed in hospital and has been here every day until today, helping me and bonding with the baby during the day and then leaving to go home to our flat at 6ish. We’ve decided that now he’s back at work he’ll see LO one evening a week and one weekend day, with me there too. It will be a long time before overnights will be a thing – we both know he’s not capable of that right now.

     

    Anyway, he made some comment today about keeping tally on spend on milk and nappies etc to make sure I’m not out of pocket. But we haven’t actually discussed maintenance payments (when we were still together we’d arranged that whilst on maternity he would pay my share of the rent and bills).

    I can’t stay at my dad’s long term – I’m thinking a couple of months max – they need their lives back. But in order for me to be able to rent somewhere for us both I will need what I’ve calculated via the CMS website. It’s also in his best interests as he’ll see LO there and it will be much more comfortable as he’s not exactly flavour of the month at my dad’s!

     

    How do I begin to have that conversation without sounding like I’m after his money? I would rather not take it but my LO deserves to have a home and a space to call his own.

    We’re on very good terms, it’s incredibly sad that the relationship broke down and I’m dealing with all of those emotions too. We still love each other but this was just too big a thing for him to get over and i guess i was naive thinking he would come round.

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