Love? Nope.

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  • #31130 Report

    ChasingHappiness
    Participant

    Ok, so this is a little off topic but I just need advice 🥺

    I separated from my husband around Christmas time and have since met another guy who I have fallen head over heels for and I just completely adore. The issue is he is very very freshly separated. He says he loves me and wants a future with me, but so far hasn’t got his own place and keeps going back home over the weekends (he says it’s purely to see his daughter, but his wife is obviously there too). He says he is 50/50 as to whether he can leave his daughter and go ahead with a future with me. I would obviously welcome his daughter into my life with open arms, that’s not an issue. But he says his wife will only allow him to have his daughter every other weekend which he cannot bear. I told him he should fight for more time with his daughter but he just says his wife won’t agree. He left his wife in April but then went back, now he has left her again but I’m concerned he will just go back again. But then he says he wants me and loves me? I’m so confused.

    I wear my heart on my sleeve and always look for the best in people. I believe him when he says I am his happiness and his world… but equally I am finding it hard being picked up and dropped every five minutes.

    I feel like having a unhealthy marriage has left me feeling like I’m impossible to love. And now with this guy being so unsure that I am worth having, it’s really affected my self confidence and worth.

    Has anyone else found that their ex relationships are making new relationships difficult? I feel like my marriage broke me and now I’m just damaged goods that nobody will ever love 😞

    Sorry if this sounds really depressing 🤦🏼‍♀️

    #31134 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Hi,

    I do know how you feel, although in my case my exh left me for another woman which he denied the whole time. This has made me struggle to trust again & yes like you I felt like damaged goods. It was hard to see any good in myself when I felt like I had been thrown away & every now & then I do still get twinges in my head of why after 23 years together, what did I do, what didn’t I do…  I am 13 months down the line now, house of my own, divorced & trying to move on.. after spending half of my lifetime with a person yes it has defined me but I am trying hard not to let it creep into a new friendship I have made.

    With regards to your current relationship maybe a bit of time & space apart to see how the land lies would be a good idea, if it was meant to be it will happen when it’s ready.

    Good Luck x

    #31135 Report

    jack
    Participant

    I think it does unless your the one that left the relationship unhurt. I don’t think I will be able to trust anyone else for a long time. Which sucks because I was never like that in the past. And that’s alot of rubbish at being damaged goods and won’t be loved again. Your not damaged just been treated badly in the past which will affect you your only human. I don’t think it’s a bad thing being cautious and I would suggest you just have some fun but don’t get to serious with this guy.

    #31161 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    ChasingHappiness,

    Firstly your wrong to feel that you can’t be loved although I know the feeling well myself, when I feel like that I look back to all the times I’ve been shown love and remind myself that fundamentally I’m the same person albeit with a few scars so there is no reason that I can’t be loved again. It will be exactly the same for you.

    As for your current relationship it doesn’t seem as though it’s a healthy one for you, after breaking up with a long term partner we reach out for someone who can provide the best parts of a relationship that we are sorely missing, this means we can be very vulnerable to choosing someone who isn’t quite right for us in that particular stage in our lives. Your current partner is coming up with excuses where really he should be fighting for what he supposedly  wants ie you, time with his kids away from the family home etc he doesn’t seem to be doing this so for me at least it would set alarm bells ringing. I understand that my words might be painful to hear but in the long run you might well be better off looking for someone else who is ready to commit to you.

    All the best

    Mark

    #31163 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Hi Chasing Happiness

    I know it sounds harsh but I would ditch this guy. Although his feelings for you may be genuine, he’s having his cake and eating it. It’s not fair or healthy for all concerned, especially this guy’s daughter.

    You deserve a proper loving committed relationship and this guy is getting in the way of someone who can provide that. Don’t let yourself lose you confidence because of this timewaster 😀

    #31192 Report

    sam2512
    Participant

    Hi Hun,

    being totally brutal here… ditch him, if s relationship is making you worry or question it then it’s really not worth it! It’s sounds too early for him and he’s not settled in himself. He needs to decide what he wants and is using you as a type of security blanket. It’s horrible for you to feel this way but you need to do what’s right for your own happiness and wellbeing not trying to change for someone else.

    Xx

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