Lost Dad

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  • #14925 Report



    I have a similar tale of woe to most of the other stories I’ve read on this site.

    My wife dropped the bomb just before Christmas last year.  Two young kids.  I volunteered to give her space by moving out, I did everything I could to ease the transition for her.  We split the kids 50/50 (I work from home and have always been very involved).  She has since become so cold towards me.  It feels like she has just dropped me like a bag of rubbish after 10+ years together.  Marriage was her idea, kids were her idea (although they are now my everything).  And I find out on the weekend that she has been seeing someone for a few months and wants to introduce him to the kids.  I hate the idea of this!

    I’ve read worse stories on here and sometimes I feel like I should just “man up” – but I can’t help but feel so utterly torn apart.  Even 7+ months later.  I get that people change and feelings change, but her behaviour towards me seems so awful to the point where I’m anxious every time I get a text / email from her.  We can’t talk.  There was no infidelity, we never fought – I think she is just bored of me.

    How do you all balance the love you have for your children with your new feelings for the other parent you have to share them with?  How do you get your confidence in your judgement back?

    I never understood people who said this, but even now, I would take her back so we can be a family again!  I can’t stand being without the kids, and although I understand this will probably get easier, do I want it to?  Do I want to be content to hand them over for half the week to this person?!

    I feel like I’m doing everything I can to take care of myself during all of this.  I’m seeing friends, I’m seeing a counsellor every week.  The only thing I’m not doing is talking to other people who have been through something similar.  Hence this post.

    If anyone lives in Streatham / SW London a real life conversation might be nice!

    I just read all of this back and it’s all over the place.  An accurate picture of my current thought process but probably utterly incomprehensible!  I’m going to press Submit anyway before I change my mind!

    #14946 Report


    Hi, I’m way up north so I can’t talk to you face to face but try to take consolation that you do see your children albeit half the week.  In time you will adapt to your new routine.. You have half the week kid free so try get out and do things you wouldn’t normally be able to do, persuwe hobbies, make new friends and preserve your wellbeing so that when your with your kids you will shine happiness.  Who knows what’s round the corner maybe you will meet a lovely lady to share your children with and your ex wife won’t like that either xx

    #14955 Report


    Sorry you are going through this. It will get easier in time … Its such a big shock to the system. Its still relatively new (I split at about the same time last year and am still on a bit of roller-coaster emotionally). Keep talking.


    Take care

    #14957 Report


    Happy to meet – I am SE, but we could meet in the middle somewhere. Or Skype. PM me if you want to chat. Much of what you’ve said is the same in my case, though a bit worse in some areas.

    #15019 Report


    Letting gonis so hard, but it’s the only way forward. It’s all a nightmare…but over time it fades to a bad dream…you get stronger and believe it or not life will get better.

    #15025 Report


    Thank you for your responses – some good advice indeed.  I think I am at a particularly low ebb at the moment.  I’m not an active poster / blogger in normal life but it’s almost as if I couldn’t help but get it all out in this case!

    I don’t tend to enter into relationships lightly and I am single-minded in my commitment so I expect this is going to be a particularly long road for me.

    That being said, it’s not all about me.  I feel for so many of the other people on here who find themselves in such difficult situations.  I don’t generally respond because I feel I don’t have anything constructive to offer, but I do feel a profound sense of sympathy for them all.

    I can only hope that we all find some light at the end of the tunnel.

    #15099 Report


    Hi Mate,


    I have the similar.

    Do not ever give up on your kids.Fight for them as it was her who cheated and could not come to the terms of respecting her family and her husband to a level that et least giving you Guys a chance to repair and fix things.

    I do not know what sort of life you had togther but as a first impression you are not a drunk or an agressive person.

    Probably worked and working making everything in order to support your family. I can onl assume that you have not cheated on her and trying to find love somewhere else with somebody else.

    Nobody is perfect though but there is always a chance to fix things all you have to do is believe and respect eachother.

    If she was not giving you that than for me it is an easy case.

    A man is just as good and in my experience through out my life a better parent than any woman/mother I knew. A father can love just as deep as a mother.

    It is just as important as the so called motherly love.

    Do I sound bitter?-, maybe but you don’t know my life and my story.I do not hate woman but I put my trust and beieve in a father side of a family if the father is worthy of course.

    I did not and would not ever cheat on my partner and I never did! I have seen more cheating woman in my life than man.

    But while we are here at your story all I am saying that she does not deserve to be a person to have your kids around with.

    Fight for your children and teach them bring them up by the right principals and the right ways of life including respecting their mother as being a mother.

    Be a good father and love them forever.


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