Losing my marbles! again

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  • #20441 Report


    Hi all

    I have been single for a year now, it all began in January 2018 when my husband went on a school trip with our daughter.

    After which, my daughter would come home asking why Daddy’s car smells of her teacher, why were they always having lunch together, why did they spend so much time together, I’ll leave you to fill in the blanks, he also worked at the school as a bursar.

    I was utterly devastated, I now know how a broken heart feels, how my knees gave way and how I begged my husband to stop…. awful awful times. Wednesdays became crydays.

    I have been told by the school that  am not allowed to complain about this, as what goes on in people’s private lives is their own business, but surely this cannot be right? This teacher is still at the school, my children both know what happened, they know we are getting divorced because of it  and they have both had to have counselling. We see this woman every week, is there anything I can do? I feel like I am losing my marbles!!!! again!


    #20448 Report


    I too have been in the situation where my wife (at the time) was seeing someone behind my back in the school environment.  I know what heart broek is too.

    From what I remember, schools do not like or allow staff to date each other.  Not sure that is right.  They did nothing either when I complained, especially as she was his boss.

    I feel for you, I really do.  I suppose the children knowing is a good thing in a way, as at least you dont have to go through the telling them.  I imagine they blame him a bit for you both splitting up, even if they don’t say it.

    I think the only quesiton here is, are the children ok with them being together or is it affecting them adversely.?

    #20449 Report


    Hi, thanks for your reply. That is the main  crux of the problem as I see it. My daughter is now 12, if I take her from her friends I might do even more damage. My son cries at school and asks for hugs sometimes because he is sad, I am worried that his sadness will turn to anger, as it so often does when we are in the grieving process.

    The school has not done anything at all, other than ensure she does not teach my son this academic year. Although she runs the lunchtime clubs to which he is a member……… there seems no escape.

    I am so sorry to hear you have had a similar experience. Truly truly awful, so public.

    #20450 Report


    It seems as though it is very hard for you to move on because you are seeing her frequently and she is in the same school as your children .  You can not expect the school to get rid of her , however the anger that you are experiencing may get worse and become destructive. <span style=”display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,’Times New Roman’,’Bitstream Charter’,Times,serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 24px; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;”>If it is bothering you too much , it maybe worth moving the children to another school. Maybe move to another area to try to let go of the past.</span>The other option is hold your head high and deal with it , realise that life goes on and ride the pain out. I would personally choose the first option but I don’t know your complete circumstances so this may be more difficult for you. good luck

    #20452 Report


    Hmmm food for thought, thank you. I feel I can hold my head up high tbh, just some days I feel so sad.

    #20454 Report



    i cant imagine how you are coping with all this. Someone cheating is humiliating enough without it being someone you have to see all the time. I think it’s awful that the school are not doing anything about it, for the sake of the children if nothing else. Surely the school can’t stop you putting in a formal complaint?

    i totally sympathise with you feel free to PM me.

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