Losing contact with their dad

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  • #47322 Report

    Avocado9
    Participant

    I split up from my ex husband 3 years ago. Over the last 2 years our children (age 7 and 5) see him every other Sunday for 3-5 hours. This is only because I drive them to his house (45min – 1 hour drive) because otherwise he wouldn’t come to see them (either by train, which is an easy journey, or by car. He drives but doesn’t have a car – although he could easily buy one with all the money from our divorce!).  He makes no contact in between visits. He doesn’t even normally plan or arrange the visit, but I will message him a day or two in advance just checking if he would like me to bring the children to see him / if he’s expecting them.

    He lives with his mum, works full time but doesn’t pay any maintenance (and never has) or contribute in any way. If I didn’t drive them to see him, he wouldn’t make the effort to see them.

    So….Should I stop making the effort and accept that our children might not see their father for weeks/months/ever?!!

    I ask the children if they want to see him, and they say yes but  they don’t ever ask for more or want to stay longer.

    #47329 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    3-5 hours contact by their father is very poor really every other weekend. Unless you want to keep driving and doing all handovers i would make changes.

    Really he should be at least doing half of the travel and you would think be having them for at least 1-2 nights staying over as well.

    Lucky you dont ask for child maintenance as well

    #47332 Report

    Jodi91
    Participant

    Hi I’ve just been say here thinking the same when is enough enough I took my kids dad to court myself (why I don’t know should not of bothered ) my kids dad sees them every Sunday never on time sometimes an hour sometimes 4 he has other children at his house but mine are not allowed to be near them as he doesn’t want them to . Sorry I have no suggestions but you are not alone always here if you want to chat . It’s hard as it’s his way or no way but right now I’m thinking if it’s best I give up fighting for what the kids want and just deal with the fall out until he steps up and fights for them himself x

    #47334 Report

    Avocado9
    Participant

    Thanks warwickshire1 – I agree it’s not a lot of contact, but he doesn’t ask for/want more, and the children don’t either. I really just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by taking them to see him all the time and making all the effort. Or if it would be better for the children to let contact fizzle out. They enjoy the time with him so it breaks my heart that he doesn’t care enough to want to see them more.

    Jodi91 – I’m so sorry your ex doesn’t want to be more involved. It’s so sad when our children deserve so much more.  My ex doesn’t have any other children, he just can’t be bothered to make any effort, but I totally sympathise with the dilemma of deciding what is best.

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