Looking to the future

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  • #20462 Report


    Hi I’m having a difficult time at the moment and I’m struggling to see a good future for me and my children. If anyone has been through a similar experience and is able to give me any advice or suggestions I’d really appreciate it.

    I’ve been with my partner for approx 16 years, we have two young children. I thought we were happy (mostly) until he was arrested – I won’t go into the details of this but it resulted in me throwing him out and we are now permanently separated. There is a possibility he will go to prison.

    He visits the kids every few weeks, messages daily and speaks on the phone a few times a week. I find it really distressing to see him but obviously the kids want to see their dad.

    I’m now having counselling. I’ve just started getting universal credit. He pays maintenance but will lose his job (related to his arrest) and won’t be able to pay anything then.

    I am very stressed generally although I am getting better at ‘being normal’ around people who don’t know about my situation.

    I can’t afford to stay in the house and I’ve seen a solicitor who agreed I should ask him for more than 50% of the sale of the house. However he refused this immediately despite me explaining that I desperately want to keep things as stable as I can for our children by staying in the same area and school.

    I have been clinging to the idea that one day myself and the kids will be able to start again in a new house in the same area. Without the extra money we can’t do that and I feel like our future is hopeless.

    If anyone has been through anything like this and has a positive story I’d appreciate hearing it.

    #20464 Report


    Hi. Sorry to hear of your pain. Can’t say I have had any experience of the prison bit but deffinetly been where you are where I had no idea what to do, how to make things better or if I was capable of doing it.

    i guess the financials are your biggest non emotional problem right now. I had to sell the family home to but luckily got a very quick sale.

    have you been to CAB first of all to get as much free advice as possible. After that maybe your choices will be more clear.

    i found the best way for me was to make small but significant steps in the right direction helped. Some sort of a positive feeling came from it. Make a plan. Do the things on that plan and tick them off. Sounds silly but I needed to see progress.

    i take it this is not amicable now?

    #20482 Report


    Thank you for replying Mozza.

    I did phone CAB and their only advice was this website.

    Thanks that’s a good idea – about ticking off plans. And yes I need to feel I’m progressing too.

    Things are amicable in some ways, he understands he can’t live with us anymore and that we need to sell the house. But he doesn’t agree that me and the kids need more money to stay near where we are. He has more options location-wise. I would prefer to never see him again – that sounds awful but he’s done an awful thing. But obviously the kids love him and he loves them. I do hope he is able to re-build his life but I don’t see why the kids and me should suffer more than we already are.

    We are polite with each other around the kids and I’m keeping all other contact (between me and him) to a minimum. So yes amicable in some ways but mainly because I’m trying really hard not to go mad and scream at him.

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