Looking for the fathers perspective

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  • #63960 Report

    Gemma37
    Participant

    I need advice as to how to help my son. His father has has a new family, he is promising things to our son then not coming through. Is this temporary, I’m at a lose as what to do other than support his needs. But I’m not his dad.

    #64007 Report

    Northern_dad
    Participant

    It’s tough wearing so many hats as a single parent…..trying to be everything.

    You can’t control what your ex says or does and you’ve kind of answered your own post – you’re doing everything you can by supporting him. I’ve had similar with their mum – possible holidays and day trips etc that don’t happen. It may be that she has good intentions, just like your ex or it could be a lack of awareness that broken promises and plans can hurt a child and they’re just not thinking when they say them! Your guess is as good vas mine on that!

    If the unfulfilled promises continue, your son will learn his own lessons from that experience and hopefully, when and if he needs to, he’ll talk to you about how he feels. Has he mentioned anything about it and his feelings?

    If the promises start being kept then hopefully he’ll have a better relationship with his dad and your problem will cease to be.

    I hope it works itself out for both of you 🙂

    #64016 Report

    Gemma37
    Participant

    Before all of this my son and I talked about feelings all the time, but since his dad has been explosive down the phone to him he’s having a had time with it all(his dad isn’t a feelings person)

    We are getting better with it and it seems we are getting back to normal, it just each time they talk it takes my son a day or so to be himself again. I worry about him bottling up his emotions but I’m taking it at his pace. He knows I’m there so that helps.

    Thanks

    #64065 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    I myself are in a similar situation. My ex has a new gf and house etc, they do lots together, several holidays over the last year but not once taken my son with them. He’s used several excuses for this so it doesn’t look like he’s to blame, turning it on me. Although sad my son would experience things without me I welcome this with open arms, starting small and building up though. My problem is he phones our son while away showing him all the adventures he’s on, my son now 4 realises he’s left out but says it’s okay mummy takes me the best holidays me it’s hard but true I make sure I do what I can for him, providing those amazing moments. His dad is so inconsistent with visits, new gf of almost 2 years won’t help on her own but they post family matching pj pics on fb, so infuriating. His dad has had many explosive arguments with me infront of our son, where I’ve kept calm throughout. Again our son picks up on this and comments, but it’s only made our bond stronger. I try my best to involve his dad etc, but never works. I’ve settled for speaking the truth with my son, don’t make excuses for his dad etc that way he sees the truth.. Not easy but his dad will try twist his thoughts so I’d rather he knew from day 1. I do speak to him often about them, so he knows I’m happy to discuss his life there, at the moment he doesn’t say much but will keep with it. One day he will open up to me, same with yourself x

    #64067 Report

    Gemma37
    Participant

    Thank you it’s so helpful to have perspectives from people going through the same thing.

    You are so Wright about situations being twisted and being let down. I can’t fathom why he is doing it but I do realise I cant help his dads behaviour I just have to support my son through it and explain it where I can. As they say, time is a healer and as long as he know I’m here when he needs me that’s all I can do. X

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