Looking for advice on getting some kind of a break or respite

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  welshdad 9 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #20865 Report

    Bluehedgehog
    Participant

    Hi I’m new here. I’m looking for advice as I don’t know what to do. I’m a single mum of a 6 year old and I’m struggling at the moment because I feel I just need someone who can have him overnight once in a while. There is no one in my life who can. My mum has mental health issues and my dad is her full time carer. My son’s dad lives several miles away with no car and visits occasionally (we get on as friends) but can’t have our son to stay with him due to his landlord not wanting that. It’s good that he sees his son but it’s still not a break for me, our son still comes to me to do everything.  I don’t have anyone else. My job is stressful at times and I get so tired that my relationship with my son is suffering. I snap at him and we argue. Or I just become robotic and not really present. I love my son and don’t want things to be this way but feel burnt out. I just wanted to see if anyone else knows anything I can do to get a break ? All the usual advice seems to be to ask friends and family but thats not possible for me. I’ve considered contacting social services. Can they help with respite care at all ? Has anyone out there ever done this ? Thanks for listening.

    #20866 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    Do not call social services because they will be constantly watching you! I suggest that you look on the council website and look for child minder that does this. My child is slightly autistic and can get up at 3am and not go back to sleep. I also work! The council are going to visit to see how they can help me as I am entitled to direct payments to pay our nanny. I don’t receive extra money and pay her out of my salary. I can’t claim as she is not registered child minder . I font have parents and my siblings live far .

    There are loads of child care sites but you will need to pay to use this.  The council list is free and once you find a registered child minder hmrc will contribute towards child care. Do not ring social services as this will open up a can of worms

     

    #20867 Report

    Bluehedgehog
    Participant

    Hi Sherima. Thank you. I was thinking that myself. I don’t want to feel like I’m being watched but was considering it as so overwhelmed. I already claim tax credit for childcare during my working hours. I’m not sure if I could get financial help for overnight childcare as it’s not for work but for a break instead. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. I really appreciate your advice. I just wish there was more recognition from services that we all need a bit of a break for our own health and our children’s wellbeing, without it having to become a full on heavy handed social services thing. It would in an ideal world I guess.

    #20868 Report

    Bluehedgehog
    Participant

    I hope things get better for you soon.

    #20869 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    Things are fine and we are doing well.my little girl is a bit behind and likes to be active til she’s worn out so if she’s not active she doesn’t sleep well.

    Our nanny has been with us for 4 years and will be leaving as shes in her 70s . She wants to leave by September so I have placed adverts etc… I spoke with our council and they are amazing . Her old nursery said she can come back for the summer holidays as it it’s too much for the current nanny and as I’m part time I don’t get lots of holidays despite working in education.  So do not contact social services they are the last people in the world you should contact . I don’t work on Thursday and Fridays so I get some time to myself and have a lie in. Most councils and have a children’s centre so see what they can offer but will suggest you place an advert for help. At that age they like hobbies so maybe you should consider as my daughter swims twice a week.  I take her and she goes with the school.

    #20873 Report

    DizzysMummy
    Participant

    It’s not ideal but would you consider allowing your sons dad to watch him at yours? Might be an option worth considering if he’s happy to do it but just stuck for a place where to do it?

    Maybe there are parents locally you could get to know and take turns having each other’s kids?

    It’s a tough one because you need someone you can trust and that doesn’t happen overnight it is important you try and get some time for yourself though

    #20874 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    I would never in Million years let my child sleep at stranger house . YOu Can’t trust no one thesee days with your child.

    Why don’t you take some leave or go sick so you can have some time to yourself. It’s not easy but  easy.but at least the father is around. When the nanny has stayed it’s because I cane home late and I have always been there.

    #20875 Report

    DizzysMummy
    Participant

    To clarify when I said parents locally I was thinking more school friends, not random people

    #20881 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    Home start could be an option.

    You could get him to join cubs etc as they do trips and camping etc. Though not frequently as you may like better than nothing maybe?

    #21102 Report

    ChloeS
    Participant

    Who don’t you ask your ex to come over and sleep at your house… to look after your child and then you check yourself into a hotel for the night. Just a cheap one where you can get a bath, read a book and get a full nights sleep.

    #21126 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    This reminds me of someone I worked with . Her teenage children were stressing her out and she couldn’t do her job.the employer paid for her to spend a week in a hotel whilst the grand mother came over to watch her kids. I think it was the older son 

    #21137 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    From a dad’s persoective for me when choosing somewhere to live after separating, finding somewhere my son could stay was THE number one priority.  I moved 3 times during the process of finding somewhere suitable…the first being family temporarily, the second had a lunatic move in next door so became unsafe so had to go to stay with family whenever I had my son visit, and moved out ASAP, now found somewhere great and my son loves it…safe…good neighbours etc.

    During the process of looking for places to live I only found one landlord that had on their ad no kids under certain age…however I was advised by another letting agency that this was not allowed so it might be something your ex should follow up there as it is discriminatory, and while he is living there it is his home.  They are bringing rules in about making landlords allow pets so surely the one about kids is questionable unless it is related to a child safety issue for example having something or someone that constitutes a known risk living in the near vicinity.  Any other reason like worried about damage to property is debateable.

    I think your ex could and should do a lot more to address this.

    I can relate to the issue of not driving as I’ve been unable to in past due to medical reasons.. but if I couldnt drive now I’d move closer and use public transport, even change jobs if I had to.  My son comes first end of.

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