Long term widow and mum of 2

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  • #20560 Report


    Hi, I am new to Gingerbread as of a couple of days ago. I mainly joined as at the moment I feel quite lonely and isolated. Saying this I have quite a lot going on, I have 2 children my son is turning 17 in April and my daughter is 13 in May. I don’t know why I didn’t just say 16 and 12, I suppose it’s because I am scared that they are growing up and soon they won’t need me as much.

    I also work as a TA at a middle school and care for my mum. Well we live with my mum due to unforeseen circumstances and I help her with daily things that she can’t do.

    From the title you can see that I am widow and have been for the last 10 1/2 years, longer then we were married.

    I have joined to try and make some friends and to have somewhere to talk to if I need it as recently the pressures have been mounting up.

    Sorry for long message. Look forward to getting to know some of you.

    #20599 Report



    Sorry to hear your story, it must be very difficult, emotional and lonely for you.

    I have two boys aged 12 & 9.  They were 11 & 8 last year 🙂

    There are a number of groups people run in their local area, so it kind of depends where you are, to see if there is one going.

    Always available for a chat on here or message me if you like.



    #20621 Report



    you sound like you have your hands full, but I know it’s easy to be too busy for friends.

    What are your pressures? Mine this month have been a small son off school ill and the engine warning light on the car.  Life seems to be one long list of challenges at the moment  🤔


    #20641 Report


    Yeah it’s non stop most of the time, especially as my eldest lives with me full time and I have my youngest 50% of the time.

    My pressures.  Well I have only been separated 16 months and divorced maybe 3 months.  I have managed to buy us a house, which we are making a home.

    I guess the main pressures right now are:  Rebuilding my career as I lost my job throughout it all and have had to take a lot lower paid job to release some time and reduce the stress levels.  I have just about got into a routine re housework etc but that still needs some tweeking. Sick days is difficult like you say.  Thankfully, touch wood, my car is going ok at the moment.

    My main challenge is my eldest.  He lives with me as his mum seems to have chosen her new partner over him in many ways.  I have had to build him up again and get him back to his old happy self.  Still have many issues after he started high school this year, but I think we are getting there.

    I am just not sure where life is going I guess.  I do my best to take it day by day but I do find myself dwelling on the what should have been sometimes.

    Just hoping I dont get made redundant or anything in the next few months while my employment insurance is going to become live.

    Lack of people around me in a similar boat doesn’t help as they all seem to do the things I want to be doing as a family.


    I guess a lot of that is true for you too.  What have you been like over the last 10 years or so?

    #20661 Report



    Kathymumofone I don’t really know where to start, I think that I am putting to much pressure on myself. Trying to work out shall I find a new job with more money but more hours- it will then mean that I don’t have as much time for my children. I am also unaware what is happening with my Mum and her health. I should think that I have 2 amazing children, a roof over my head. I hope you get all your worries sorted.

    Mozza2019 you sound that you are doing a great job. It is always hard rebuilding the children after knockbacks. the last 13 years  have been like a rollercoaster. My husband was diagnosed with leukaemia  when I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter my son was then 3. Anyway the long story cut short he got better it came back and he got better then it came back. When we were told it felt like my world was falling around my feet. You see after he died I helped my mum look after my Dad, he died soon after (10 weeks). I have helped my mum ever since.

    I was living in a home of our own but as I was worried about the neighbours I chose to move out of it. I moved to a home but 4 years later I was asked to leave as they needed the property for a farm worker. At that time I had walked out on an abusive relationship, he liked his drink more than me and my children. I moved in with my mum and I haven’t got the money to move out.

    I also find that I think of what my life should be like, I think about the holidays, the parents evenings, the milestones in the children’s life. I am also finding that I am more concerned about what happens when the children have gone. I often feel jealous of people who do family things.

    Sorry for the long reply.

    What is your career?  Hope your son’s confidence carries on building.


    There are some days that I wake up and I take a deep breath and go right you can get through this and others I think new day fresh start.

    #20665 Report


    Hi Mum02, sounds like you are doing a great job.  Hang on in there  🙂

    Welcome to the forum, I’ve only just recently joined but it seems a great crowd of people on here who are very supportive.

    #20672 Report


    Thankyou.  It isnt easy but its my job and I adore my boys.  I will do anything for them.

    Hard to say how horrible that has been for you without using some expletives.  You must be one strong woman and I am very impressed with all you have done.

    You are so right about the holidays, milestones etc.  Sadly we take them for granted when we are in the relationship we feel will be there forever.  When I now see a family out and about, even just walking or shopping, I long for a second chance of enjoying such things. Family is not a big word but means so much more than you think.

    I dont think the children will ever be gone.  They will always need us and if we have a great relationship with them, they will always wants us in their lives.

    Oh the career is boring.  Operations in manufacturing usually.  I got to director level though, through a lot of hard work.

    I think my son will be ok thanks.  Kids seem to be able to compartmentalise things we cannot.

    Yes each day brings its own feelings.

    So, you are living with your mum and looking after her still?  Are you still doing part time work in the school?  Are you getting an allowance for caring for her?  What time do you get for yourself and what do you do with it?

    So many questions

    #20688 Report


    Hi Paul,

    Yes we are still living with my mum which at times are very hard as she likes to put her views across on how I bring my kids up. She also does all the food shopping online too. It’s the small things I miss. I still look but I feel that I can’t leave as I don’t know how she will cope as she is unable to walk around the house much. She is also awaiting to see if she can have a heart op she will need care after that. If she doesn’t have an op she could go at any point.

    My plan is to move away from this area and start a new as I want to know what it feels like to be a family doing the small things together.

    I don’t get much time to myself but I enjoy baking, watching films, and I do courses to help me with work.

    What do you like doing?

    #20689 Report


    I have private messages you

    #20693 Report


    I don’t know if message has come through.

    #20694 Report


    Do you mean to you or me? I haven’t got one back from you 🤔

    #20696 Report


    It’s the one that you sent me. I might not be looking in the right place.

    #20697 Report


    😄😄😄 ask the kids. You need to click on your profile and then you can see your private messages. Good luck 😉

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