Lonely nights

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Waitie83 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #22450 Report

    Mil1lion
    Participant

    My husband left me and my then 3 month old baby at the beginning of February, he stayed with family but yesterday moved into his own place.

    Theres no one else, he just wanted ‘space’… hes changed from being albeit a lazy but kind husband to someone I no longer recognise.

    I’m on maternity leave so financial stress is horrendous right now…

    In the day I can mostly stay positive, in the week I see friends but on a night and a weekend the baby is in bed and people have plans with their families…

    I feel so lonely, I’m sure people are sick of me… I don’t recognise myself any more.

    I can’t see how this situation will ever get better? I still love him. My baby is so little, how could I ever trust anyone again? We’ve been together 10 years…

    I wish I could talk to people on a night 🙁

    #22451 Report

    mccroryash
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear that. My husband (together 10 years) walked out on me and my then 21 week old and 2 year old one evening. He moved back to his parents and refused to help me with the mortgage or the bills and I had to cut my mat leave and go back to work. The loneliness is the worst, I can only tell you that you get used to it. You’re still adjusting and it’s a rollercoaster. If I want a drink with my friends I facetime then with a glass of wine because I have no childcare! Ringing people instead of texting helps too. Hope this helps!

     

     

    #22455 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi

    Yes felt same myself although i was never with babys Dad in a proper relationship. He doesn’t want to know his son and never will. Tbh thats fine its his choice and i dont really trust him

    Evenings are lonely yes. I have great family and friends but it’s just me when my son is in bed. However i just relax and feel lucky my son is a great sleeper and sometimes im in bed by 9 haha never thought id be doing that at 29. Im not with anyone sometimes i wish i was to have that company but i wouldn’t want anyone to come into mine and my sons life atm so I take my independence as a positive

    Hopefully you will connext with plenty of people on here who can understand your situation and have a good natter

    #22866 Report

    Waitie83
    Participant

    I went through something similar last year. I found out my ex was having an affair 5 weeks after our 2nd baby arrived. That night he left and I had a newborn and 2.5 year old and like you was lonely and financially all over the place. I desperately wanted to hit fast forward to escape the nightmare situation! All I can say is it does get easier, every day is progress and you start to feel comfortable on your own. You can watch what you like,  go to bed when you like, eat what you want and just generally start to feel a bit more positive about everything. My maternity is now coming to end and in some ways I felt bitter at ex for the stress he caused but my kids are so chilled and happy and we have had lots of fun altogether, and had he still been at home with us it wouldn’t of been like that. He made life stressful and me miserable which impacted the kids. It’s so hard right now but I always say no rain no rainbow this will make you stronger and it will get easier. Sending you a hug and hoping things improve for you soon

    #22897 Report

    Mil1lion
    Participant

    I agree with you about it being less stressful without him here, me and my baby definitely have more fun now, including the joys of a 5 month old who is almost crawling 😫🙂

    He currently visits on a Tuesday night (just left) a Friday night and a Saturday morning, I find these visits so detrimental health wise. His presence emotionally knocks me for 6… itd almost be easier if he didnt visit…

    I was left in tears again tonight after a mothers day discussion…

    I’m so drained and wish I could fast forward to a time when I’m happier and coping better

    #22997 Report

    Waitie83
    Participant

    Ah I feel for you as I have had all of those feelings with the ex’s visits! He originally doing once a week then at weekend then he asked for more and he’s now doing a couple of nights a week and weekend! He spends most of that time trying to talk to me about my life rather than focusing on why he’s there – to see the kids! He’s been aggressive and nasty in front of kids and I used to dread him stepping into house! Having said that the more time that passes it does get better because you let go of it all. You don’t care as much, it’s less raw! You know it’s only a couple of hours and then you get your evening back in peace and you can just exhale and forget him till next visit.

    Ive been single 9 months now and the difference from where I was to where I am now is unbelievable! Try and give yourself a bit of me time even if it’s just a bath or coffee and slice of cake just something that makes you feel like have had a little treat doesn’t need to be expensive but it’s all about focusing more on you and your baby and then you will stop worrying about the ex, his visits and all the other bits. It’ a horrible thing to go through, I think sharing kids is so unbelievably hard  but you will 100% come out stronger. You are doing an amazing job every day and in time you will be so much happier it’s just about small steps. It will get easier I promise

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